My War Within

What is the reason and where is the line?
I’m stumbling backward like I commited a crime.
So many voices screaming loud in my ear.
To make them go away I might neck nineteen beer.
Not a true fix but the sort I can get behind.
For it might buy me some time to unwind.
Yet I know before long shouting will resume.
Angrier than ever as they endlessly fume.
Enraged by my attempts to quieten them down.
All of the madness will result in a frown.
For joy is a feeling I never get to wield.
That’s why I am forever braced behind a shield.

Addiction is no solution.
Only breeds more confusion.
Reignites my war within.
Sends me toward ground in a spin.

Knowing my options but evading the root.
Rather be dodging and hiding than making them moot.
Sense of satisfaction I do not deserve.
For truth is I have no more reserves.
They’re drier than a desert that is two seasons without rain.
Instead all I feel is deeper burrowing pain.

Addiction is no solution.
Only breeds more confusion.
Reignites my war within.
Sends me toward ground in a spin.

Shortsighted.
Unrequited.
This is all what I did to myself.
Carved alive.
No chance to thrive.
Obliterated all my health.

Travesty chiselled into stone.
What is this, its not my home.
Paralytic and unapproving.
No longer do I hear voices of soothing.
Drove away everyone dear to me.
Now what remains is only those of insincerity.
What a state to have self inflicted.
If I didn’t know better I’d say it was scripted.