Notes scattered everywhere.
Slips of paper filled with care.
Order shattered just like glass.
If only I could arrange this farce.
But these shreds are in shambles.
I’m unable to get them unscrambled.
Mass of pieces that have lost all meaning.
Before long it’ll lead me to screaming.
For order is what I crave.
If there is none then I cannot brave…
What all this could truly mean.
I feel like I’m trapped behind a screen.
Unable to interact.
Just watch this mess continue to detract.
Send me spinning out of control.
Chaos with no order leaves me without a goal.
Its why I click half a dozen times.
As I read each and every line.
My pen then spun around in fives.
One for each of what feels like my cats lost lives.
Is this me and not the rest?
Probably but I’m doing my best.
So help me please to make sense.
Of these things whether they be past or present tense.
Then I can move on.
Continue to be a productive one.
Its what I crave.
Its what I need.
Would be easier if my brain did not need…
To scribble these fragments down en masse.
Perhaps then some order could come to pass.
But alas this is how I am.
So aid is requested to unravel this spam.
Put me back into a routine.
The one I find oh so serene.
Once it comes I’ll be so pleased.
That my anxiety will then be at ease.

Walk through the streets on a silent day.
Everything is empty and I hate the way…
Sound reflects like this place is ill.
Is this a dream or am I falling?

Don’t turn out that light.
I cannot take the night.
Things crawl across my skin.
Forever feel my world spin.
Pressure builds within my ears.
Cause of my mounting fears.

I’m in freefall.
Brain has long stalled.
Feel like I’m trapped.
Sure I’ve just cracked.

Get me out, I cannot breathe.

Locked in a room that I don’t recognise.
Is this real or have I fashioned more lies?
Cannot decide so I remain in place.
Paralysed, I can’t take this space.

Don’t turn out that light.
I cannot take the night.
Things crawl across my skin.
Forever feel my world spin.
Pressure builds within my ears.
Cause of my mounting fears.

I’m in freefall.
Brain has long stalled.
Feel like I’m trapped.
Sure I’ve just cracked.

Get me out, I cannot breathe.

Signature scrawled across this page.
Was I the one who was so brave?
Cannot tell and so I retreat.
Yet again I’m feeling weak.
Give me hope, get me out.
Cage fills me with doubt.
My own prison formed in my head.
If only I could go back and find my bed.
Safety and security.
Maybe sleep might fix this insanity.
For I’ve been awake for a week.
Delirium will not admit defeat.
So my mind is now in tatters.
Too much longer and it shatters.

Get me out, I cannot breathe!

Fill your craving, stoke your fire.
Build your empire, forsake a liar.
For these days are yours to form.
Lay out the blueprint, build rather than scorn.

Hate should not win.
Offer peace in the face war.
Tear down these unnecessary walls.

Realign to centre, not sink to dissenter.
Fashion your future, don’t betray your aims.
Offer aid when you can, don’t be a repressive name.
It’ll help your soul stay in shape, not turn you into a vile snake.

Hate should not win.
Offer peace in the face war.
Tear down these unnecessary walls.

Reject misery.
Turn off mind decay.
Profit is not the way.
Fill your life with what you love.
Denounce that which brings no good.

Step down from this ledge.
Jumping won’t fix your damage.
I speak lies, is what you think.
But you don’t know what paths I’ve been.

Listen to reason.
Hear out experience.
Suicide won’t bring a resolution.
It’ll only leave a gaping breach.
You might be free but those you love will be torn.
Ending your life only leads to more gone.

Take my outstretched hand.
Do not make any rash decision.
Your life is not dying and bland.
Most of all don’t fixate on your inner division.

Listen to reason.
Hear out experience.
Suicide won’t bring a resolution.
It’ll only leave a gaping breach.
You might be free but those you love will be torn.
Ending your life only leads to more gone.

Teenage sacrifice.
Not ever right.
Life gets better.
Things do change.
Do not believe you have to be forever chained…
To your fears, terrors and darker side.
Its something you can survive.
Just take a breath and accept some aid.
Speak your mind, don’t shy away.
You are not stupid, dumb, a freak or fool.
Its just this world can sometimes be rough.
But believe when I say you are more than enough.

Listen to reason.
Hear out experience.
Suicide won’t bring a resolution.
It’ll only leave a gaping breach.
You might be free but those you love will be torn.
Ending your life only leads to more gone.

I hear your tears fall on the window pane.
Bring an end to the tragedy.
Not a pain to the nth degree.
Waiting for your new game to begin.
Just another slot machine.
You’re forever gambling…

With my emotions you take every liberty.
My devotion leaves me torn like an artery.
Bleeding out, I won’t last long.
And what’s worse is you’ve already moved on.

Screams of rage to hide your malice.
Too many strings you pull on.
Manipulation is your duty.
Waving goodbye as if you do care.
Silencing your detractors.
Leave them with a glassy stare.

With ill will you take every life you wish.
My hesitation will only slit my wrist.
Bleeding out, I won’t last long.
And what’s wrong is you’ve already moved on.

Psycho killer dressed to impress.
Upon innocents you put a test.
Leave them weak so you can prevail.
Forever swear to always bail.
Save your skin and sneak away.
Coward scum is your true identity.
No conviction resides inside.
You are nothing but a vapid soulless divide!

Illusion of choice has begun to take root.
Autocratic regime masked as democracy.
Taking out freedom and replacing it with conformity.

Bow to your masters cloaked in the shadows.
You are their pawns…
And don’t even know.
That soon you will go to war.
All so you can die in a mist of bloody gore.

Piece by piece erosion will claim your mind.
Box you into until you turn worse than blind.
Sticking to all the rules they force on you.
Managed leadership that they hide from view.

Bow to your masters cloaked in the shadows.
You are their pawns…
And don’t even know.
That soon you will go to war.
All so you can die in a mist made from blood and gore.

Sacrifice is an identity.
At least to those in power way above thee.
Firing down demands into the mass.
Screw if you want to dodge the draft.
Conscription driven into your brain.
This is all staged terror to make you play their game.
With no mercy or reprieve.
This new world order is a disease.
Growing stronger every day.
Soon it will consume ever ordinary,
Soul who’s ever had a dream.
Cause those in charge want you die and scream!

Bow to your masters cloaked in the shadows.
You are their pawns…
And don’t even know.
That soon you will go to war.
All so you can die just a little more.

Reset the contract that you never signed.
Slave to the trade of what you always despise.
Hemmed in and strung out like you wouldn’t believe.
Today is murky while tomorrow will be sleaze.

Paint in monochrome.
Here I feel so cold and alone.
Disjointed and removed from a core.
All this malice is beyond a bore.

Sold out.
Screwed down.

Tortured by martyrs who see nothing but fog.
Over the top is how this routes become a slog.
Watered down until I’m begging to drown.
Conspiracy to turn my smile permanently upside-down.

Impaled upon a crown.
Ruptured by too calm.
Sheeple neighbourhood.
Sick, tired, worn, butchered…
Evicted sanity!

Paint in monochrome.
Here I feel so cold and alone.
Disjointed and removed from a core.
All this malice is beyond a bore.

Sold out.
Screwed down.

Give me colour.
Fix this squalor.
Sever these limitations.

There are times when the greatest action is inaction.
Contradiction wrapped in stupidity.
I hear you say it, even if its only mentally.
Yet its true and you should take heed.
It’ll help you to simply be.
Exist and drink in what surrounds.
Not always being hubris bound.

Cry for peace.
Pray for quiet.
All this noise makes you sick and tired.
Grating senses will burn your will.
Before too long you’ll be ill!

Silence can be the loudest thing you can hear.
What utter nonsense you think I’m speaking here.
Yet these words are true when you think.
You just have to not pre-judge it.
For over analysis is quiet a disease.
Especially when its easier to say than do.
Still you can learn it to.

Cry for peace.
Pray for quiet.
All this noise makes you sick and tired.
Grating senses will burn your will.
Before too long you’ll be ill!

Sit out on the porch for a while.
No intent as I watch the sun descend.
Thoughts ebbing and flowing.
Memories surface then fade away.
Feels like freedom to me.
With no rush to fill my head.
Natures sounds are relaxing.
Quite different to always ploughing through.
Rather than taking time to soak up what’s surrounding you.
Never planned to be quite this wired.
Fixed on a treadmill of someone else’s desires.
Yet sadly that’s where I have been.
Hence why I’ve always been pushing.
Now I see that I’ve been a fool.
Need to learn to take my foot off the mule.
Hang back and enjoy this time that I have.
Instead of forever following a direct path.
For peace comes with acceptance and serenity.
Not rushing headlong into a new entity.
And so here I sit watching as the world spins.
Couldn’t be more attuned with simply being.