Sleep will not come for me.
What am I to do about this truly?
Close my eyes but don’t drift off.
Feel like I’m watching the clock.
Tick and tock but I don’t feel drowsy.
If it doesn’t change soon I’m gonna feel lousy.
Especially if I see the sun rise.
As four am is my normal wake time.
And with it being Monday I’ll have work to get to.
Thought of trying to soldier through is not what I want to do.
So send me a fairy that brings me sleep.
Cause I’ve tried the classic of counting sheep.
It hasn’t worked and never does.
Just leaves me feeling stupid for trying such.
And my usual habit of emptying my brain,
Hasn’t helped me escape this conscious frame.
Wake With Weapons
Wake up one day with an axe in my hand.
Why, why; can’t comprehend.
Makes me think my dreams were reality.
God no, did I kill somebody?
Brain foggy and memory obscured.
Police, open up; can be heard.
Leap out of bed with my chest on fire.
Panic and fear burn like a funeral pyre.
Then in comes the door.
Armed but not ready for war.
Demands I surrender.
Then I blackout.
Its as if I’ve been on a bender.
When I awake bodies are strewn.
Blood and gore covers my room.
I see the badges and feel sick.
Clearly I did whatever this is.
Familiarity tells me this wasn’t unique.
Is that why I awoke holding this?
I think as I look at the axe.
Now it is bloody and I can’t relax!
Crash out my apartment feeling dizzy.
Black out again pretty quickly.
When I arise I’m somewhere new.
Surrounded by money, hookers and booze.
Confused I stumble forth.
A couple ladies crash in armed to the tooth.
Boss you okay, they ask all concerned.
How long have I been out, is this all earned?
Laughs erupt from deep inside.
A voice not quite mine feels inclined.
Fills in the blanks until it clicks.
Multiple personality disorder.
Innocent me is a fix.
Lost in the revelation that I’m a fraud.
Other me thinks its worth it to applaud.
How is this so fucking funny to you?
Cause I am the major of us two.
Then banish me is I can live in peace.
Stop being a child is his statement to me.
Then I realise everyone is staring.
Blackout again, hope its forever lasting.
Rise like the dead from a shallow grave.
Head is ringing and I don’t feel brave.
Look around this is not a dream.
I feel some liquid, my head is bleeding.
More than that there is a hole.
Terror strikes as I realise it all.
I’ve been shot but somehow survived.
Time to blackout I demand for the first time.
Doesn’t happen, I’m alone.
Bullet wound must’ve killed that clone.
What a time to lose the other.
Kinda sad I guess.
He was like my demented brother.
Three years passed with no relapse.
New name and life, feeling relaxed.
Never thought I would get to here.
Especially after the murder career.
Yet now I know everything the other me did.
Thankfully it netted him a great nest egg.
Its what I’ll be living off the rest of my life.
Not while I continue to fucking survive.
Barge Of Poison
Marauders out on the roads again.
Bandit clans forever closing.
Violent minds with vicious wishes.
At best you might survive only needing stitches.
Barren souls strung out on years of misery.
Falling faster than even societies decree.
Poor and rancid are conditions to survive.
Only the putrid have any chance to make it out alive.
Twisted talking in favour of sickness and pain.
Brain collapsing from all the rot I can’t contain.
Bitter pills won’t fix the fractures all around.
Every second betrayal engulfs thoughts with sound.
Killers coming for this mountain of snow.
Civility dies in the face of consuming so much blow.
Fratricidal with moments of true lucidity.
Born from this Deus that we can never ever see.
Addiction Affliction
Lie, steal, drink and cheat.
Seems you are back to repeat.
The same mistakes as you made before.
Chances are too few for you to ignore.
Thought progress was being made.
Instead it looks like you’re starting to fade.
Fall back into habits that led you to here.
Maybe you should put down the vodka and beer.
Consider how close you are to doom.
Lose your livelihood and it’ll be your tomb.
Surely there is more to lose even if you wish to refute.
No need to force your life into a painful execute.
Ask for aid.
Don’t be too proud.
Struggling happens.
No need to…
Shatter what you still hold in your hands.
Inflict upon yourself unnecessary brands.
Cause missteps don’t have to define your future.
Shift trajectory to avoid need of a suture.
Chances are low and you’re close to an end.
Self-preservation is something you should intend.
Over Appease
Feel the gush of air through your hair.
Hear the rush of sound going round.
Live for the moment.
Do as you please.
Enjoy your time.
Never try to over appease.
Get a whiff of salt on the wind.
Taste the bitterness while breathing in.
Live for the moment.
Do as you please.
Enjoy your time.
Never try to over appease.
Know the heat as it warms your skin.
Sweat on your forehead already beading.
Live for the moment.
Do as you please.
Enjoy your time.
Never try to over appease.
See the rise right before your eyes.
Watch it until the moon fills the skies.
Live for the moment.
Do as you please.
Enjoy your time.
Never try to over appease.
Fiend As Foe
Fire, in the heart of man.
For too long we did go bang.
Truth, was a lie not told.
That is why we only sold.
Preach, but did not bow.
On the precipice of another row.
Thought, can deceive you.
Its why we march two by two.
Soldiers on the faultline.
Out of life and out of time.
Fiend as foe just like they told.
Offering turn to mold.
Drown, in a deep ravine.
Not once touched by sunbeam.
Locked, in a cold dark space.
Hiding away your angry face.
As bile, wells to the fore.
Determined to kill some more.
With pain, all that you know.
Through you it does flow.
Soldiers on the faultline.
Out of life and out of time.
Fiend as foe just like they told.
Offering turn to mold.
Tick, of the clock.
Out in the wilds you are dead without a rock.
Rite, there is no wrong.
Hunt, stalk, kill to survive what comes.
Death, is all around.
If you survive you might be found.
Soldiers on the faultline.
Out of life and out of time.
Fiend as foe just like they told.
Offering turn to…gold!
No Faith In Me
You believe but don’t force it on me.
I’m not a follower.
Spout your claims and soon I will leave.
I have no faith to offer.
Shout from the roof.
Preach to the sky.
Your choice, not mine.
Live your life,
Don’t pull me in.
This is your way,
Its not my thing.
Belief in power, above is all you.
I don’t share it.
Do not try to make me to.
You believe but don’t force it on me.
I’m not a follower.
Spout your claims and soon I will leave.
I have no faith to offer.
Divided We All Crash
Borders are nothing but lines you can’t see.
One day they were just made to be.
Preventing those we do not wish to know,
From venturing to this place we call home.
But why can we live here while they cannot?
Cause they were not born here is the call full of rot.
For what does it matter where a person was birthed?
After all none of us are the generation that came first.
We are descendants of descendants down so many times.
So why we do maintain these out of date lines?
Cause we have a lot while they have so little.
Then we should aid and welcome them rather than be brittle.
That would strengthen our bonds and help us to climb.
Not descend us into madness with war on our mind.
For protection is aggression to they who are not you.
I’m so sick and tired of watching this out of date view.
In a world where globalisation is a constant,
Can’t we forget our borders, nations and aid all who want it.
Bathed In Bloody Madness
Down in the depths of this hollow shell.
There stands a place that is not called hell.
For demons and mortals do not frequent.
Nor to this place are the condemned to be sent.
Instead its a spot where black dahlia’s bloom.
Penetrating the stench of unearthly gloom.
Twisting and turning with writhing walls.
As well as blood gushing waterfalls.
Up on the peaks of a snow capped rock.
There is a space surrounded by a flock.
Birds with eyes dark as the night skies.
They weed out those who tell only lies.
Yet not to condemn or damn them to rot.
Rather so they might rise and take the lot.
That which has been sealed in a dire pit.
Burrow filled with death, lies and shit.
Out across those lakes filled with bile.
Wider and deeper than even the Nile.
It is a realm where the doomed lament.
Ensuring unlost souls are mercilessly spent.
Toiling away for being so pathetic.
All cause none of them truly get it.
That is why darkness will always prevail.
Cause the light will never fight tooth and nail.
Faltered Hand
I stare at these pages for the fourth time.
See my mistakes written in a couple line.
Wonder how I never saw these errors I’ve made.
Am I a failure barely holding on to this grade?
I do not know. I cannot say.
Wish I was still a shining star.
Not weathered and greyed.
Cause in those days I shone like a blinding beacon.
Whereas now I am barely bright enough to illuminate my own treason.
Search for my marbles which have gone awry.
What I do every day is try, try, try.
Never does satisfaction thrum within me.
Is it cause I am stumbling permanently?
I do not know. I cannot say.
Wish I was still a shining star.
Not weathered and greyed.
Cause in those days I shone like a blinding beacon.
Whereas now I am barely bright enough to illuminate my own treason.
Help me. Save me. Guide me. Find me!
How am I so far off track?
I need to make my way back.
Possibility or fanciful dream?
Being washed down this torrential stream.
I do not know. I cannot say.
Wish I was still a shining star.
Not weathered and greyed.
Cause in those days I shone like a blinding beacon.
Whereas now I am barely bright enough to illuminate my own treason.
