Looking down at this mess I’ve made.
As time continues to elapse.
Wondering how I can fix this disaster.
Aware that there is no reset.
My hands growing heavy from the weight.
Wishing life had an undo function.
Scared that everything will now fall flat.
Panic sets in to tighten my chest.
No exit strategy from the tatters that I have left.
Head spinning as my brain attempts to whir.
Vision narrows into tight cones of blur.
What are my options?
I do not know.
Possibilities are spent and I have no chances at my disposal.
Staring up hoping something will click.
All I get is a visit from blank silence.
Terror is now in full swing.
Barely breathe whether sitting or standing.
Ghosts of past mistakes rear their heads.
Reminders continue their constant flow.
Misery has become my sole bedfellow.
Taunting with its wicked tongue.
Truth is I am the one who is recalling all that I’ve done wrong.
Poisoned my well.
Withdraw into my shell.
Accept whatever fate decides is next.
No evading this catastrophe I have laid!
Days pass into weeks then months.
Avenues are lost but nothing is apocalyptic.
Life goes on regardless of what came before.
There is damage but no end to all.
Still I wait for an inevitable crunch.
Is this an outcome or am I punishing myself?
Hard to say but I believe I’m beginning to know.
This was never finality’s kiss goodbye.
I have to work through my guilt no matter this agony.
Simon A Jackson - Writer 