Will You Know When To Go?

Faster,
Comes the disaster
Disregard,
Is the new vanguard

Exploit,
Has become the point
Terror,
It’s so much clearer

Police,
Without true peace
Divide,
All that is tried

Repent,
But that is spent
Victim,
Part of the system

Downfall,
That’s what will call
Liar,
Light the funeral pyre

Subsume,
To build up the tomb
Devour,
Take all the power

Intro,
But there was no flow
Outro,
Global death row

Escapade

Pen to paper
Explain the caper
This is the plot
Don’t let it drop
Our prize is near
Ignore all fear
Sirens will scream
Focus the dream
We’ll be out soon
Life in full bloom
Perfect future
Not a rumour
Ghost in the night
Burning so bright
Live as we like
No upward hike

Hammer Blow

OK, this week is a continuation from last week. That means the fifth part in the ongoing series. Yippie! Because of that there isn’t much I can say. Best thing to do is, if you haven’t, read the previous parts. Apart from that it’s about 11,900 words long. Enjoy!

Having stormed through the doorless opening of the concrete box which is sat inside the fire gutted building, Sanjiv cannot help but feel irritated that the commander and his strike team were the first inside. Not that there is much of an area to clear seeing as the inside of the box is a single room but that isn’t the point. Dana never gave such an order, to his knowledge, and he should know if she did seeing as they have not been apart since boarding the transport that ferried them here. Now is not the time to cause a scene. That is without a doubt how Dana would term it. Yet, that is because she doesn’t understand. If she did and knew what Sanjiv did she… She issued no order for the strike team to collapse into the room beyond the blasted doorway first! Yeah, I know, I know.

Sanjiv has a pistol levelled, finger looming close to the trigger. Not over it for that could result in an accidental discharge and from the commanders’ demeanour the middle aged man could well imagine the strike team leader would like an excuse to shoot. No need to give him one. Yet, had he been permitted entrance first this wouldn’t have been an issue and Sanjiv’s finger would very much have been on the trigger, ready to squeeze.

However, the sight he is faced with is pretty much what he feared most. Hence, that is why his shoulders have dropped and the expression on his face is etched with roiling misery. You might be wondering why and the reason is quite simple; the only occupant of the room, a man, is sat in a chair surrounded by computer equipment, high end custom stuff, dead.

Dana drifts up alongside Sanjiv. He takes note of her arrival and that he finds it suspicious she was that far behind. It’s as if she planned this. Not the death of the man who was their only lead by the storming of the room but her strike team entering first. He’ll quiz her on that later. If anyone can get the truth out of her it is him. What good would it do to know in hindsight that there was an order for the strike team to enter first? They might be the cause of… He never gets to finish.

“We’re too late.” The director says with a shake of her head.

“Room is clear director.”

Dana knows the declaration is procedure but at this moment a large part of her wishes it had not been uttered. Still, she cannot lash out at the Commander. It isn’t his fault what has happened here but she needs answers and so orders, “Body check. I need to know what happened and when.”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Is the retort which slips from between Sanjiv’s lips. His tone is heavy with insinuation. Thankfully the strike team commander pays it no mind while issuing a quick wave of a hand to one of his people who steps forward to begin an examination.

Sanjiv wonders what background they have that makes them the appropriate candidate for the job. By the looks of things they are just another squaddie. The middle aged man’s goes to say something. Before he gets the chance Dana steps forward, cutting him off. She says nothing. She doesn’t have to. Her movement was enough to distract Sanjiv. He should curse her for that but rather he marks out her ingenuity. A smirk creeps across his face and he takes a mental note that he’ll have to watch out for distractions like this one in the future. It’s a new tactic certainly, which he didn’t expect from the director. Little does she know he’s learned new tricks too.

Dana takes a quick look at the body. To her untrained eye she can conclude what anyone would be capable of; that they were male and that they are very dead. Yet, there is one thing she can determine which members of the general public would not and that is what appears to be the cause of the man’s death, neural overload. She’ll need it confirmed as that might very well not be what ended this unknown man’s life. However, he is surrounded by a great deal of impressive custom fabricated technology. Sure, the agency has more and better but whoever this man was he was not a part of a group like the agency, or the government. That rules out a mole or a nation being involved in whatever this is. At least for the moment it does. There is no guarantee that a national government is not involved as they might have paid, via a shell company or fifty, some private dissidents. It wouldn’t be the first time, not by a long shot, and would doubtfully be the last either, if that is the case.

Finally, the strike team doctor straightens her bent back, cocks her head, puts a curled hand to her chin and waits. If Dana did not know the woman prior to today she would be inclined to continue waiting in silence. As it happens Dana knows Ginetta only ever adopts such a pose once she has made her assessments and conclusion, which she is ready to pass over, in this case to the director.

“What are your observations, doctor?”

 Ginetta does not reply at first. Rather, she stays quiet for a few additional seconds of deep consideration before giving her answer, “He appears to have died from a catastrophic neural overload. I cannot be sure without further study but judging by the state of the interface surgically implanted into the rear of his skull it looks to have been the point of some artificial insemination probe.”

The words coming out of this short redheaded woman’s mouth mean nothing to Sanjiv. They are all technical jargon and he is a man who in a previous life had served as a Datastar. Am I getting old? No, of course I’m not. This will be some agency vocabulary guideline nonsense that Dana has dreamt up in the years since his departure. Half of it is likely to mean something entirely different and yet all those around wear expressions or nod as if they fully understand the gibberish.

Sanjiv hates being the only lost and clueless one in the room, but while he is right about the words being agency jargon he is wrong about them being terms dreamt up by the director herself. Sure, she has adopted them but by no means were they developed or employed at her demand.

“So what you’re saying is this man was deliberately terminated. How long ago was this?”

“Weeks, I’d say. The scorching around the eyes isn’t fresh at all and there is no way he could’ve…”

“Bullshit…” Sanjiv interjects only to be met with a roomful of faces that turn his way to stare at him as though he’s said some blasphemous line in the middle of a busy church. He feels no guilt for his outburst and has been tracking men like this corpse for long enough to know that this doctor is either a fraud or dim-witted.

“If you have something to share Sanjiv; out with it. We don’t have all day. Warren might be safe but…”

“Don’t treat me like a child Dana. You’re smarter than to try that old of an approach on me. We were the same level once.” Sanjiv can feel his anger boiling to the fore. He doesn’t know what it is but something about Dana gets under his skin in a way it never used to. Many times he’s tried to ascertain as to why. He’s been through the most obvious possibilities, such as jealousy. After all, why was she made the director over him? They were, once, on the same level. They had both served as Datastars. Hell, they are the last, until the re-emergence of Warren that is.

To Sanjiv’s shock Dana does not bite. Rather, she casts a glance around the room and then nods. Without a word the Commander and his strike team, including the doctor, shuffle off and out of the concrete box. It takes a couple minutes and following that Sanjiv hears distant voices. One sounds very much like the commander issuing orders. Sanjiv can’t catch what is being used but can take an educated guess as to what it might be.

Prior to their departure the looks on the faces as they shuffled off could only be labelled as severe. It seems the director has done more than retain her old reputation, she’s built on it. Sanjiv imagines he knows what will be coming next, demands that he not speak to her like that in front of her people. He has his retort planned out. It’s simple; screw you. He thinks that’ll be the best balance between disrespect and blunt wishing to move forward succinctness.

Alas Dana utters no such words. Rather, she queries, “Is this really how we’re going to do this? Can we not work together? You seemed open to the prospect previously. Then, suddenly there is a flip of a switch and it’s like I’m faced with an utterly different human being to the one I knew.”

“That’s a strange thing to say, human being. Is that because you don’t see yourself as one anymore? It might explain a few things if that were the case.” Still Sanjiv is trying to get a rise out of the director.

“Grow up Sanjiv. You were never this childish. And I don’t have to keep you in on this. I can cut you out at any time. Perk of being the director. Remember? Or did you forget who has authorisation and authority here. So, are you going to act like an adult and tell me what your fucking issue is?” Her voice is calm as the words leave her mouth, too clam which is why the middle aged man, former agent and Datastar is a little taken about by the sudden curse thrown in. It isn’t at all what he’d been expecting from her. Not that it changes how he responds once he’s gotten over his initial shock.

“Your team went in before us. I didn’t agree to that.”

“Is that what this is about? Really! You’re in a pissy mood not because our only lead is dead, and has been for weeks accordingly, but because you didn’t get to march into the room first.” Dana is in disbelief. She knew Sanjiv could be difficult but this is a whole new level of pathetic in her eyes. It’s like he doesn’t understand exactly how important everything else is in comparison. If he did surely he wouldn’t value so highly such a non-issue. Plus, Dana never said they would be going in first. She kicked the issue a little ways ahead and then never updated her order. Sure, it might have been a tad underhanded, but at the end of the day Sanjiv is not a part of the agency. He is, for all intents and purposes, a civilian who is being given the courtesy of having permission to tag along. It is permission that can be yanked out from under him at any moment and for any reason. He wouldn’t even need to be issued with the cause as to why. That is but some of the power Dana holds as director.

“You don’t see me as an equal. I have information but you barely recognise my presence.”

“You aren’t an equal. The agency views you as a civilian. I have to treat you as such. You might not like it, and hell I might not want to, but that is how it works. I’m the director not the queen of the fucking universe. I have to follow procedures as much as anyone else, more so in some instances. And if you have something to contribute, please be my guest because we need all the help we can get.” The director’s words come out far more anger inflected than she wanted or meant them too, but it’s too late to alter that now for they are already in the past.

Her rant however, does have the desired effect as Sanjiv stops. He doesn’t launch further into a tirade of his own, like he had expected himself too. Rather, he stays quiet and considers what Dana has said. For the first time in a long while he feels not quite guilt but something approaching it. When next he speaks his tone is more like the Sanjiv she’d once known. Not for the first time since they reconnected. What she feels is the best description of their ‘relationship’ as it currently stands.

“You’re right. This is for Warren. It’s why we’re here. Yet, something seems wrong about the conclusion that he’s been dead for weeks…” Sanjiv gestures towards the heavily reclined lifeless corpse of the man in the padded chair. He has a shaved head, is clinging hard to the arms of the seat he is laid back in and has such severe burns around his eyes that it is impossible to ascertain what colour they might once have been.

“In what way?” The director can imagine where her former friend might be taking this but elects to act as guide rather than anything else for the time being.

Turning about on the spot Sanjiv takes in the sheer volume of tech that is surrounding them in this room. None of it is leisure based by the looks of things and there is no furniture in the traditional sense past the chair the corpse is laid up in.

“Can we be sure this is where he died?” It’s a fair question as far as Dana is concerned but not one she had considered. Sanjiv might be surprised if he knew this but she’s pleased he’s surprised her. It might be the first time, bar maybe him saving her life, he’s managed such a feat without it having negative connotations attached.

Looks like the old you is still in there somewhere after all, the director thinks only to admit aloud, “I suppose we cannot, or should I say; we should not.”

That reassurance, that lack of antagonism disarms Sanjiv completely. A flicker of a half smile flutters across one side of his face.

“It could be this guy, whoever he is, is a plant. He might not be a part of whoever is behind this.”

“Have you come across such things previously?” Dana is curious now as to what Sanjiv might have seen and faced in the intervening decade plus during which they never saw nor spoke to one another.

“No…” The middle aged man pauses unsure his response should have been so hasty, rash. Hence, that is why he admits, “…I don’t know, maybe. Not to my knowledge but… Anything is possible. I’ve been after this group for a long time and truthfully… I don’t think I’m much closer today than I was when I first started. A pile of bodies and plenty of claims that they will reveal nothing is all I’ve been met with.”

A sigh escapes his lips; his eyes dipped low and blinking slow. “Whatever I found to link me to the next chain was more chance than good detective work. Tenuous at best and yet… somehow it worked. Yet, I’m sure all I’ve ever done is circle the periphery. None of those I’ve left in my wake have been high up the food chain, not really.”

Regrettably Dana can feel the frustration and sadness coming off Sanjiv. What makes it worse is that she not only understands but mirrors it for she too has been searching for people who have always remained in the shadows no matter what. Now more than ever she wonders whether she should share details meant only for the directors’ ears, her ears. Alas, something tells her this is not the time. The people the agency has been after may not even be the same as those who are behind this. Yet, that thought continues to sit awkwardly with her. Is it a lack of trust in Sanjiv? She doesn’t think so but can’t be sure. There is nothing, bar his stubborn and overly blunt manner, to lead her to believe he is duping her. You’ve been director too long! She is well aware. If there were someone capable of taking her place she would have handed the role off a while ago. Lies! You wouldn’t hand it off. It’s all you’ve got. Without it you’re… She forces the thoughts aside. They aren’t useful and won’t be until… Until what? Until you find answers that Sanjiv has been searching out for more than a decade? How likely is that?

“Director, what are your orders?” The commander of the strike team has appeared in the doorway of the concrete box inside the ruined shell of the multi-storey building.

An answer is not immediately forthcoming. Dana feels there is need to think. When she answers she insists, “I need the doctor back in here. Hold the building until further orders.”

The commander nods, turns and departs leaving the doorway open like the gaping rectangular maw it was in the moments prior to his appearance. Less than a minute later Ginetta comes striding through that same opening. If there is any hesitance about being in Sanjiv’s presence she does not show it. Though, she does make it abundantly clear that she is showing no acknowledgement of his presence. Dana can’t say she blames the younger, taller and better rested woman. Plus, she notes the way Sanjiv awkwardly shifts from one foot to the other. His gaze is averted, eyes dipped low once more. That is a sign of remorse. He might not even be aware he’s doing it, but the director is. She wonders if she should help broker peace only to discard the notion because time is short. Is it? Why is it?

“Doctor, could you take another look at the body. Run us through what you see as you see it, please.” Rarely does the director ask for someone on one of the many rungs below her to politely do something, Ginetta is aware of that, which is why she gives the request a long period of careful consideration. Still, she is surprised this middle aged man, Sanjiv, hasn’t butted in. Sure, he looks calmer now than he did previously. In fact, Ginetta’s best description of the expression that had been on his face is that of a bulldog chewing a wasp, or three. He looked so agitated and pissed off that any alternative description, she thinks, would best be termed as misguided and naive.

“I can.” Is the doctor’s ultimate reply which comes some time later. It is accompanied by a wish to declare she has demands to accompany her willingness to help. She decides better of it to issue them. Not because of the director but due to the presence of this Sanjiv. He might not, though he looks calm currently, react in a way which would be conducive to future relations. And while Ginetta has no reason to doubt the directors might she does have reason to question her decision to permit this civilian’s presence. She hasn’t a clue who he is, was or might someday be. To her he looks like nothing more than a haggard vagabond the director could only have found on a street corner partaking in some hustle or another. Surely, that cannot be the case for that would be totally out of character for the middle aged woman. What other explanation is there than that? I don’t know, but you’ve delayed long enough and need to get on with the request you have agreed to. You’re right!

Ginetta having realised her delay, and being faced with the pair who are surprisingly watching and waiting patiently, spurs herself into motion. She starts at the bottom and elects to work toward the head. From her initial study of the corpse that is where the most relevant evidence of cause of death appears to reside.

“I like to work from bottom to top.” Is the doctor’s explanation, one she feels compelled to give to avert any potential queries from being uttered.

“Whatever suits you best doctor.” The director says with a reassuring tone of voice.

Ginetta stoops low and drops into a squat so she is closer to being on level with the man’s feet. They are exposed, free of socks and shoes, she lifts one, then the other, examines around and in-between the toes. There is nothing out of ordinary, which is largely what she expected, yet she confirms as much to the middle aged pair watching her intently. Both nod while she carries on with her examination, now of the legs. “From what I can see there is nothing out of the ordinary with this man’s legs. However, I cannot easily access the backs to be certain. Not that I believe anything will be revealed once such access is possible.”

“Can it not be done here?” Sanjiv feels a little uneasy asking a question but it’s done now and with it issued his unease fades from the fore, where it had been as the words had passed his lips.

“I’m afraid not. I would need someone to roll the body over so I could do a full…”

“If the director agrees, I can roll the body for your study doctor.” The words pass Sanjiv’s lips carefully. He doesn’t want to cause an argument. Not now that he’s thinking rationally and has banished his anger so it cannot get the better of him.

He looks to Dana for reaction either in the positive or negative with regards to his request. The director in turn glances to Ginetta for confirmation or denial of her comfort with such a prospect. She offers no inclination either way and so Dana wishing to know as much as possible orders, “Do it. We need to know as much as is possible as early as we can manage.”

“Yes director.” Ginetta replies only to take a sharp inhale of breath right after. Sanjiv ignores it, though fully understands why it’s performed as he steps forward, grabs a hold of the corpse and pulls it toward him just enough so it rolls to grant access to the back of the man’s legs. The corpse’s one shoulder strains to maintain its death grip of the armrests, but following a quick analysis Ginetta has to conclude the backs of the man’s legs show nothing she would consider as being out of the ordinary. Yet, something a little further up does catch her eye. It’s located at the base of the spine.

“Is there any chance you can keep him there, I might have found something?”

Sure. You just let me know when I can roll him back. Until then I’ll keep him in place as best I can.”

Ginetta smiles to show her gratitude. To her mild surprise Sanjiv returns the gesture and notes that he is quite charming when he’s not flying off the handle like some normally doped up junkie suffering withdrawal symptoms. Who would have thought it, not Ginetta that’s for sure.

Having turned her attention back to the thing that caught her eye, Ginetta moves closer until the small metallic hexagon shape embedded in the dead man’s skin is about as close to her face as she can legitimately manage. The enhancement, as she would term it, is foreign to her and unlike any design she has ever come across previously.

Enhancements are not at all the norm for civilians. They are for military yes, but this is not like any military-grade piece she’s come across. Plus, it bares none of the manufacturing details which would be present if it were fabricated by one of the enormous arms companies which supply the national military’s with all their tech. No, this is undoubtedly homebrew, custom. It makes sense seeing as most of the tech around them looks very much the same, more refined than this piece but unmistakably not off the shelf, so to speak.

Without looking Ginetta probes into one of the pockets of her uniform. Doctor or no she is dressed in exactly the same fatigues as the other members of the strike team. Prior to joining the agency she’d worked in the militaries, yes plural. She didn’t stick to one, though they were all army positions. Instead, she was seconded across all the militaries of the four nations which had once been termed the USA. She didn’t like any of them but some are lower on that list than others.

She puts the reasons why and the events that led to her ultimate resigning from the army out of her mind to return her focus to the present. And having fished a pair of thin tweezers out of the pocket her fingers dove into she slowly guides them and their rubber tips toward the enhancement chip.

Her intent is to extract it and hand it over to the director. To her that seems the best course of action, especially as the director might have a better idea than Ginetta as to what it is, maybe. The doctor is not convinced about that but it’s better than trying to crowd the body and get a look at it in turns, which feels as though would be the alternative until they are back at HQ in one of the examination spaces.

Tweezers meeting metal, Ginetta breathes a sigh of relief when there are no adverse effects. Her conviction was not as steadfast as she might have wanted to believe it to be and yet try as she might she cannot pry the chip free. Due to fear of causing damage to the enhancement Ginetta elects to attempt her extraction method no further and instead suggests, “Director, I have something I think you should take a look at. I cannot extract it, sadly.”

“What is it?” Dana retorts but waits for no reply before wandering around the head of the corpse to join the strike team doctor’s side.

Ginetta pulls back and with the rubber tipped tweezers gestures to what should be the focus of the director’s attention. Dana understands immediately but cannot say she has ever seen anything like it previously. Her brow furrows as a result and reminds her how little she likes to feel as though she is being kept in the dark. By who? Over what? You don’t know what this is and nor does Ginetta. So why is that your thinking?

The silence, and Dana’s run of thoughts, is shattered when Sanjiv asks, “What is it? What have you found?”

“A… chip.” Dana doesn’t know how else to categorise it.

“What does it look like?” The tone of Sanjiv’s voice turns monotone leaving Dana with a need to raise her head and look the man in the eyes. She sees concern there. Not panic, but…

“It’s hexagonal, covered in chiplets, there’s a transistor, no wires…” Ginetta explains without thought or pause.

“Is the board it’s mounted upon a silver grey?”

“Yea…. How did you know?” Is the query which leaks from Dana’s mouth.

The middle aged man gulps but makes no attempt to avert his gaze now. His eyes are locked on Dana’s. She wants to ask what the problem is but before she gets the chance Sanjiv says, “Step away, slowly.”

“What is it?” Ginetta queries not having caught how grave the look on Sanjiv’s face is.

“Do as he says doctor.” The director urges with a raised hand meant to guide the younger woman beside her backward and away from the body.

“But what is it?” Ginetta queries for a second time. She is unwilling to let go of potential knowledge because her curiosity has got the better of her.

Sanjiv debates whether to blurt out what they’ve found but settles on doing so being far too reckless and potentially quite unwise until they put a little distance between them and the body. Though, the presence of the chip, the enhancement, does answer as to why a concrete box inside an abandoned building has been erected.

Much to her relief, Dana manages to guide the doctor back until Sanjiv believes there is enough space not for them to be in any danger of the chip being triggered. The fact that the doctor’s probing did not was more good fortune than it likely being a dead component in his mind. That is not to say he at no point considered the alternative. Alas, he felt it wasn’t worth the risk and was best to err of the side of caution. After all, if that chip triggers everything in this concrete box will be overloaded with a skin searing electrical charge. It’s what, contrary to initial appearance, must have scorched the man’s eyes. Almost certainly it would have been a contributing factor to his cause of death. And without doubt that means this man, whoever he had been, was definitely a part of the group he’s spent years tracking. Having come across chips such as these a few times during his pursuit he’s seen firsthand what they are capable of. One should have killed him but he got incredibly lucky. No reason, in his eyes, to tempt fate a second time. Not when he is far more aware of what the chip is capable of now compared to when it almost cost him his life some eight and half years ago.

Opposing

Hands are empty and here I stand
What happened to shift the land?
One day we were as thick as thieves
The next you couldn’t even look at me
Rather you would simply glare
Or pretend I wasn’t even there

You cut the bond and fake you’re clean
Act as though you’re never mean
But finally I have seen the truth
Ripped me open with no excuse
Then simply just walked away
For that there will be no you and me

Still you stare with eyes like daggers
To make amends feels so savage
Won’t listen to a single word
Each one of them I know you heard
Instead you feign Im just a ghost
To new friends you now boast

Why can’t you just leave me be?
Not someone I wish to see
Had your chances and now they’re gone
Reason why our relationship is done
So take the hint and get clear
I want you to stay out of here

Well you gave in so I do too
This bitter conclusion rest with you
Too childish to say a thing
Just threw what we had in the bin
So pleased to be free from this
Words uttered by both sides of the madness

You, Me And It Makes Too Many

You say leave it out
But I don’t agree
Too many times this had happened to me
Now the mask is gone
So little remains
Can’t just sit here and gather the pain

What sort of person would simply watch?
File away all the hurt and the loss
I won’t be that guy no matter the day
Cause that sounds like being locked away

I say speak loud
But you just refuse
So many things have piled upon you
The point has tipped
And then fell through
Leaving you to tread without a clue

What sort of person would simply watch?
File away all the hurt and the loss
Not in your nature no matter the day
Cause to you that is like being thrown away

It calls from the void
But the sound is too low
Skeleton physique is running some show
All that is left
What a shame
One day we will end up the same

Hallows Eve

I’m the scare before crow
And I’m coming for you
With a bump in the night
I’ll give you a fright
As the howl of the wind
Comes along creeping
So go out alone
And you’re bound to not get home
While the lanterns do blaze
I am the thing that is crazed
And with a flash of a knife
You’ll die tonight
So keep out the woods
Or you’ll lose all the goods
Cause the claws in the trees
They’ll shred you with ease
Just lock all your doors
And lay on the floors
Hide in the light
It’s Hallows Eve fright

Twin

You were my twin
Together we could do almost anything

Then came in the sever
It was like the pulling of a lever
Cut you off from me
Loss I could not believe

You were my twin
Together we could do almost anything
And then it changed

The sky turned dark
You always wanted to bark
Rip skin from bone
Determined to dwell alone

You were my twin
Together we could do almost anything
And then it shifted

Senses dulled to nought
Relationship became fraught
Arguments always in swing
What happened to us against them?

You were my twin
Together we could do almost anything
And then it retreated

Was it something I once said?
Or did you feel you were bled
Cut right down to the core
A lesser member filled with flaw
If that was it I apologise
No such thing was what I devised
You were equal in my eyes
This separation I despise

You were my twin
Together we could do almost anything
Now lost to oblivion

Rooted

Back again with not only another story (as is usual on a Wednesday) but a fourth part to the ongoing series. If you haven’t read the first three parts they are: Overcharge, Fragmented Friends and Lost Asunder (really hoping these links will work and send you to the right pages). Previously I said I might not finish the series (planned to be six parts) but I’ve changed my mind and think I almost certainly will. So stay tuned for those. Anyway, I’m getting ahead of myself so feel I should let you know this is a longer one at about 14,700 words. Can’t say much more than that because it’s an ongoing thing, so enjoy!

Dana had not been expecting Sanjiv to be as receptive to her recounting of the facts, as she knew them, as he was. However, there is no doubt that she is quite relieved that he reacted in the manner he did.

Her expectation was that she was going to run through the details only for him to flat out refuse them being truth, turn his back on her and walk away into the sunset without so much as a second thought.

That, she thinks, says more about her than it does about the man she had been incorrectly judging. Alas, she would not go so far as to say that with her having informed him of the what she knew that the relationship between her, the director of the agency which oversees the running and independence of the simulation, and her former friend Sanjiv could be categorised as repaired. Too much has happened between them for the re-emergence of Warren, though lost, to fix what has been broken overnight. And it has been exactly that, a single night. For right now they are headed back to the city.

Dana while grateful she isn’t forced to hike back alone in what would become scorching heat or place in a call for an emergency pickup on an unsecured line, she would have to admit this is uncomfortable. Ultimately, the director thought if Sanjiv would be returning with them then he would be doing so as not the sole other person to serve as company. Is that really your concern here? Sadly, as is often the case in life things can and do change rather quickly. The ambush upon her convoy was proof enough of that and there is every chance that whoever was behind that attack could be part of a grander conspiracy to stop her saving her friend. But why is the question she finds herself asking and unable to discern an answer to. It makes little sense for the only enemy of that time was Bartholomew and he died that day when they thought Warren did too. But Warren isn’t dead, so does that not mean that…

So many questions, she thinks to herself while wedged hard into the front passenger seat alongside Sanjiv. Every so often he half glances her way. The action has not escaped her notice. Does anything? Yes, the ambush. Apart from that because how could I have seen that coming? How could you not? She doesn’t agree with her subconscious and its antagonism, so elects for the easy way out, to bury the thoughts. A sigh escapes her lips while doing so. Again Sanjiv glances her way. He wants to say something. That much is clear but as to whether he will, well only he is able to decide that. It’s not like Sanjiv to keep his mouth shut. At least it isn’t for the version of the man she’d known shortly before they went their separate ways. It would be more accurate to say, she feels, when he stomped off.  Yet it has not eluded Dana that it is she who has been wrong. Sanjiv always said and held out hope that Warren wasn’t dead. She’d like to make a similar proclamation but to do so would be inaccurate. No, it would be wrong! OK OK, I know. It would be wrong. Again, her brain seems insistent to use anything not to its fancy to initiate a war. It’s exhausting and with as little rest as she has gotten the prospect is not one she wishes to do anything with other than skirt.

Then think about something else! She does, shoving everything out of her head. Her eyes close so she might better concentrate on achieving her aim. Its part of an old technique she learned when she was younger. Unfortunately, there is a side effect to performing this technique and it soon burbles to the fore bringing memories of Warren. A smile slips across her lips soon after. It’s only a slight one and rests across the side of her face hidden from Sanjiv’s glances. Not a conscious decision but more than likely a learned habit from being in the position she has for… She can’t recall. To be honest the years have morphed into a single almost endless blob of time. She casts any concern a lack of definition in terms of timescales brings forth in favour of focusing in on her memories of Warren. Her hopes they won’t turn negative, painful… She stops knowing that if she presses on down this road this will become a self fulfilling prophecy.

When finally she feels at ease again, level would be her best description, she peels her eyes open. Ahead of them is the same arrow straight asphalt road stretching out over the horizon. How long into the journey they are is lost on the director. She could ask but feels uncomfortable at the thought of doing so. Hence, that is why she instead shifts about in her seat checking to see if any of her muscles and joints have seized. They haven’t, it’s a good sign but also not. She doesn’t elaborate beyond that.

Her gaze shifts to the dash mounted clock. A quick calculation follows resulting in another sigh. This time through her nostrils and because they are only a couple hours into this drive back to civilization. She’s never been an outdoorsy type. She’s a city girl and thrives on metropolises. It’s why she hasn’t a clue how Sanjiv has coped out here, or wherever it is he has been, because it certainly hasn’t been a big city that much is for sure. And while she might have been remarkably open, for being the director, the same cannot be said of him. He’s kept quiet, deathly so. Not at all like the man he’d been when… Well, that isn’t surprising really, she must admit. Warren’s death had affected them both in profound ways. It strikes the director that she has been no less obsessive in regards to her role than Sanjiv was in his beliefs.

Sometime later Dana goes to speak only to be shockingly beaten to the punch by Sanjiv who queries, “How long did you know about Warren before…?”

There is no conclusion to his question. Rather, it trails off. Not that the remaining few words intended to be spoken are necessary for Dana to comprehend what he is asking her. It’s obvious really. Yet, she had not expected the query to be uttered in the first place. Never? She cannot say if she never expected it to be spoken. Just that she did not expect it right now. Not that him wanting to know shocks her because it doesn’t. It’s a fair question. She thinks she would ask it to if their roles were reversed. You wouldn’t have run away! Dana swallows hard hearing that though in her head. She can’t say as to where that accusation has come from but finds its sudden arrival concerning. Better to ignore it and move on is her conclusion and so she does exactly that. Her focus returned to the question levelled at her not long ago.

“I placed the call right after I was told, Sanjiv.” Dana’s voice is calm, as he would expect it to be. After all, she is the director. He wishes he could but alas he cannot conclude that she is lying. She might be. He really can’t be sure he’d know as well as he used to when… Things have changed, time has elapsed, the world has moved on. But Warren is alive! That thought alone fills him with the energy of an exploding firework. Honestly, his motivation has never been as incalculable as this. At least not as far as he can recall anyway and that is saying something he feels for he has spent the last decade plus looking for answers and leads. He wonders how anyone can seek answers when they don’t know the questions and yet that is precisely what he has been doing.

“Don’t you think it’s a little convenient?” Are the next words out the middle aged man’s mouth as he sits behind the steering wheel of the old muscle car.

“No I don’t.” Dana takes offence to his accusation and makes it abundantly clear via not only her stern tone but her furrowed brow that that is how she feels.

“Really? It’s been a long time. Why now? What changed? Something had to because from what you’ve told me of what some of your subordinates found, the code materialised out of thin air. I’d call that suspicious. Why now? Why not a couple years after that day? Or months?”

“I told you what ‘changed’ as you want to put it. Nothing in the simulation changed other than that fragments of code are being consolidated.” The director reiterates. She’s irritated by the insinuation that she’s been fooled. Wouldn’t be the first time; remember the ambush? Shut up, you’re not helping.

“But what are these fragments? How did they come about?” Sanjiv might have been told but a full and proper explanation has not been forthcoming as to how they came to be in the first place. That is what he is after. Why does Dana not want to say? Is it because these fragments are left over from Bartholomew’s antics?

“It’s…complicated.” Dana’s shoulders drop.

The story isn’t so complicated and long that she could not recount it during this journey. It’s more she doesn’t want to for she does hold some blame in what happened. After all, she was then like she is now the director and so regardless of the fragmentations being perpetuated by one employee’s reckless actions the blame ultimately falls upon her shoulders. Sure, punishments had been doled out and yet with the revelation that Warren is on one of those fragments it strikes her that she should have had them checked. Guilt, that is what she is feeling, and it’s made worse because at one time she’d issued a mandate that all code fragments be purged. Had the admin at the time agreed she would have been the cause of Warren’s second death. Not that they ever likely would have known had it been carried out.

“Director Code for, I’m not willing to share. Got it. Good to see little has changed. You’re as secretive as ever, Dana. Next you’ll be demanding I refer to you by title or as ma’am.” Sanjiv’s tone is accusatory with some mocking thrown in for good measure, and while Dana finds his words unfair she cannot bring herself to blame him. For there is no doubt that she is the one who pushed him away when she’d ordered him to give up on his investigations or leave. He took the latter option, as she knew he would, and since that day Dana has been alone. No friends, no confidants, nothing but her own conclusions from which to issue mandates to those below her in the pecking order of the agency. What a miserable existence of a life you have. Shut up!

“Is this how it’s going to be?” Dana asks finally, following a long multi-mile period of silence that has hung in the air between them.

The silence might not have been so painful if Sanjiv’s car had background noise coming out of its ancient speaker system. Whether it is capable the director cannot say, but if long silences broken only by accusations and arguments are going to be the norm throughout this drive then Dana thinks she might elect attempting to get some sleep. She’d check in but the ambush caused some damage and she is unable to access her emails and or anyone else as a result. At any other time she might have called it a blessing in disguise, but stuck in this old knacker of a car with a man she knew a lifetime ago, no that’s not a blessing at all, far from it.

Sanjiv shrugs only to soon after admit, “I don’t know. I wish I did.”

It’s the first time Dana has heard Sanjiv sound like he did back when… when Warren was alive. It seems they both are uncomfortable being in the situation that they are. The director takes some solace in that but hopes changing the subject might ease the air of awkwardness.

“Who do you think those men that ambushed me were?”

Sanjiv turns his head fully to look at her for a couple seconds before turning back to fix his eyes upon the boring road, the edges of which are crumbling. Occasionally, a truck rumbles past them going in the opposite direction. When finally he speaks, both hands wrapped around the thin steering wheel, he says, “I wish I knew more than this but, they’re part of some secret group. Very hush hush sort. Not government, I know that much for sure. But I’ve been tracking them, when I can, hoping to get back to whoever is at the top of the pyramid, haven’t got there yet.” A muscle below Sanjiv’s bottom lip spasms to reveal the disdain he holds for his failures.

“You’ve been doing this alone?” The director already knows the answer but sometimes it is best to pretend you aren’t some all knowing entity.

“Yeah I have.” He bites his tongue. What Sanjiv wants to say, to add to his short reply is that he wouldn’t have had to if Dana hadn’t forced him out of the agency because of his ‘obsession,’ as she dubbed it. Alas, tensions are strained enough between the pair and so he has decides better of it, for now. Things might change. He might need a trump card, a stabbing blow, to knock her off balance at a moment most opportune for him.

“That can’t have been easy Sanjiv, I’m sorry.” The apology catches the middle aged man sat in the driver’s seat of his old muscle car off-guard. It’s why he glances her way, face marked with surprise. The expression lasts only moments and right after he returns his eyes to the road. Never in a million years did he think he’d hear an apology out of the director’s mouth.

A couple seconds of consideration lead him to believe that Dana wasn’t speaking as the director of an agency that oversees the virtual world but as… friend seems wrong and yet what other word for it is there?

She’s stumped me! Is this part of some game? I don’t know. How do I respond? I don’t know that either! Because he doesn’t know what to say he says nothing all at. Rather, he offers a simple soft series of nods. It seems to be enough for Dana does much the same.

Silence again infects the air around the pair. When finally it becomes too much Sanjiv clears his throat and pops the window. A scrapping sound of glass against metal can be heard from the interior of the door. It’s forgotten a split second after when cool air comes rushing in through the gap with a whoosh of loud road noise to accompany it.

“You don’t mind do you?” Is the query he issues to his passenger remembering her presence and finding when he looks toward her that she is staring out her passenger window as the world rushes past them. It’s a relatively boring view but not much to look at out here.

The short delay which follows is dead ended when Dana wrenches herself from her thoughts to meet Sanjiv’s gaze. A shake of her head confirms she doesn’t take issue with him having opened the car window. The middle aged man gulps silently, licks at the corner of his lips but feels no less uncomfortable, he imagined he would. Sadly, he’d forgotten what it was like to be in anyone’s company for any reason other than business. Sure, he could still term this the same way and yet cannot escape the pervading feeling that it is not somehow.

“How about some background noise, yeah?” Is what he says to break the fresh uneasy quiet between them. A silence he hoped would be made less awkward, it hasn’t, by the presence of the road noise and cool air blowing in his face.

“…Sounds good Sanjiv.” Is the succinct reply the driver is met with when finally the answer comes.

To be honest Dana isn’t sure her choice of words is appropriate, but having over thought the moment and reached no other options she said those words anyway. For some reason she finds they sat poorly in her head. It doesn’t matter that she replayed them over and over in hopes of finding a best option so she might not suffer relentless criticism of some form or another. So when Sanjiv powers on the cars sound system and begins scrolling through the bandwidth searching for a broadcast the director is more than a little relieved to have not been met with criticism, plus have something for her mind to focus on, even if it is static.

Minutes of searching bear no fruit. Sanjiv expects the car is too old to contain the technology capable of holding any sort of modern broadcast and so they are stuck with garbled static which occasionally breaks into something semi-understandable. Each time it does it lasts for no more than a minute or two. Dana has assured its fine. He understands she doesn’t want the silence either and will take whatever she can get. He hopes all of it will be enough now. He has no more tricks up his sleeve if it isn’t.

Alas, the noise of static, rushing road and road noise soon prove to be nowhere near enough as quickly the car’s occupants feel uncomfortable with their company again. Sadly neither knows what to say or if they should say anything at all. Small talk isn’t really their fortes. At one time Dana was good at it but she lost the ability some time ago while serving as director. And Sanjiv, well he’s spent years skulking in the shadows, killing threats chosen by himself.

“Sorry about your people. I’m sure they were good men.” Sanjiv doesn’t know if what he’s saying is the right thing at the right time but has concluded anything is better than the mainly static and air whooshing that has become the background fuzz in the car as they hurtle down the highway.

Dana licks at her lips resisting the urge to bite them, nods and then offers her thanks only for quiet to return once more and neither of them having a clue as to what to say.

Silence this time lasts almost half an hour and is made worse when Sanjiv kills the static radio noise and rolls up his window. Again the scraping sound of glass on metal could be heard. It seemed louder this second time and Dana continues to put that down to being because the road noise was being slowly choked off. Yet, there is a reason for Sanjiv’s actions. Not that he peels his eyes away from the road ahead as he suggests, “You might want to get some rest. We’re still a good maybe half dozen hours from the city. And I imagine you’ll need all the energy you can get for your return to being the director.”

At any other time in any other situation Dana thinks she would have taken his suggestion as an order, one meant to offend, but as things are she takes it as an offer, a kind one. One she elects to take. Hence why she nods, offers her thanks, then shifts about in her well worn passenger seat until she’s about as comfortable as she thinks she is going to get.

Sanjiv meanwhile thinks relentlessly about that day, when Warren ‘died.’ The drivers’ previously felt explosive joy has turned to apprehension and worry. After all, it’s been a long time since he last saw his friend. Will they still get along? He certainly isn’t the same man. Will Warren be? He hasn’t an answer. Part of him swears yes because he’s been stuck in the simulation. Another part says no and for the exact same reason. With no conclusion, and having cycled uselessly several times more than it should have, his mind moves onto other questions. Each is in some way linked to the one before it and prior to moving on he finds very few of them, if any, is he capable of giving a definitive answer to. This continued lack of certainty does nothing to stop the mounting unease creeping up his back. Unease that results in his shoulders rolling and shifting as if he is trapped in a cold cave scared of what might be around the next corner, shivering.

Focus on driving. Focus on what that ambush might mean. Hell, focus on the colour of the sky. Just stop over thinking the Warren stuff. He’s alive. That is what matters. You, I, was right. Sanjiv nods, tightens his grip on the steering wheel, now held in one hand, and continues down the highway. A few more vehicles pass by now. In no way could it be called busy but the change is a welcome one. Being out on the road as the sole vehicle for miles can sometimes be… lonely. Not something you thought much about before… He is well aware of that, but things change.

Duo

Worm your way in through the open door
What once stood is not here anymore
Seperated forms of something that used to be
One and one is two and neither of us are free
So diverge along the standard line
Sick of hearing the words: are you feeling fine?
Talk is cheap and so are they
Philosophy at the end of the overlong day

Indent again just to break on through
Not a second of what is happening is new
Retread the steps until the feeling dawns on you
Cause two by two won’t be the answer so
Collect your things and carry on
We are joining the trail of both of us are wrong
Not a moment for which I feel shame
Better to be honest than multiply the pain

Coalesce and see where we land
This has become our engraved brand
Jitters until the sun might rise and shine
Rather be living than be wrapped in lime
And forcing chance is not the way
Do that and unity might simply turn and fray
So listen now until the end
You will be driven right around the bend

Twist It In

A stab to the back
Not giving you the slack
Weaved a lie filled web
Trying to make us dead
But the cries will not fail
Our hopes will prevail
Now stop all the hate
Victim of a mate
You were the monster
Beast with no honour
Striking at the heart
Making it turn dark
Ice in the veins
Killing off the brains
Corpse to a shell
Condemned to hell
Soldier without a cause
Violent pack of flaws
Twist until the rise
A circling of flies
Breed another bastard
Keep the damsel plastered
Twist into a whore
You are filled with gore
Nothing but a shade
Shouldn’t have been made
So get away from us
There is no lie we’ll trust
Your face has been revealed
Future here is sealed
You are so alone
There is no home