From The Shadows

The story this week is different. It’s not Sci-Fi but is set in the very near future. I really don’t want to say much more because if I do I might ruin the surprise. It’s a shorter story again at about 10,700 words. I had intended to write something else I’d been working on but when this idea came to me I decided to run with it and write this instead. Think that’s enough from me now, so without further delay here is From The Shadows.

Eleanor is walking down the sidewalk with a hood pulled up over her brown hair, which is almost entirely hidden save for a small section around her hairline. The bulk of her hair is pushed back into the hood to stop it getting in her hazel eyes as she heads home after a long hard day of working as a waitress in a nearby restaurant in the big city.

Clouds fill the sky cutting off any hope of being able to get so much as a glimpse of the white glow that comes from the moon. As a result, on this night more than others, the glow of the street lights is essential to illuminate enough of the sidewalk so Eleanor is not at risk of tripping over its occasionally uneven and cracked surface. Why the city council insists on using slabs for the sidewalk she will never know as they never stay flat for more than maybe a couple years before subsidence and the uneven distribution of which are stepped on where cause the slabs to shift, raise and lower. A gust of wind whistles down the length of the street originating from somewhere ahead of Eleanor. Exactly where she has no way of knowing, yet it makes no difference as she raises her shoulders and braces herself moments before the gust hits her and threatens to push her back the way she’s come. Somehow she manages to hold out against the gust, but does pause for the briefest of moments before consciously pressing her pump down onto the surface below. The feeling of the cold as it hit her was biting and threatened, but thankfully failed, to pull her hood back off her head. If it had then her hood would now be messily congregated across her shoulders and the back of her neck. In turn that would have forced Eleanor to pull her chilled hands from her pockets and quickly fumble with the hood to get it back into place. It wouldn’t have been the first time she’s had to do that during her walk home, except no such thing has happened and so she quickly puts the thoughts of such inconveniences out of her mind. They serve no purpose if they don’t happen, she tells herself seconds before another gust howls her way. Too late she realises and fails to brace herself against it. As a result she is nearly knocked off her feet by the severity of the gust that actually forces her to complete halt this time.

The winds are getting worse, Eleanor thinks to herself before sighing and taking the risk to look up at the dark night sky. She can see nothing. With the light levels as low as they are and the clouds so high all she can make out is an endless mass of darkness. She wouldn’t quite call it black as to her that would seem a poor choice. Clouds at night aren’t black, they have black in them sure but also so much more like shades of grey and very dark blue. Perhaps it’s only her who imagines those colours but she doesn’t care. She’s always preferred to consider things and analyse them instead of simply make a snap judgment and move on. In her eyes there is little point in snap judgement, unless absolutely necessary, as they often result in lots of the beauty of the world being missed, and it is beautiful. She doubts anyone would be able to argue with that, but she can’t be sure seeing as there are always those that seem to be able to find negativity in everything.

With the wind no longer actively trying to blast her off her feet, Eleanor has managed to make it to the street corner. She turns left as she does every night, well six out of seven, on her way home. Her feet ache, as do her legs. The aches are from all the hours she spends on her feet, and while her job isn’t the one she would like it’s the one she’s got.

She adjusts the mask that is covering the bottom half of her face. It’s a necessity now for everyone in the world to wear with pollution having got as bad as it has. Eleanor doesn’t remember a time before having to wear the mask. Her best description of it would be that it is akin to a gas mask but somehow not at the same time seeing as a gas mask tends to cover your entire face and this does not. Eleanor hasn’t a clue how anyone could be comfortable in a gas mask. They look too light no matter who is wearing them and at the same time claustrophobic because of the limited field of view the lenses must force the wearer to contend with. This is especially so when you consider that the eye sections are raised away from the bulk of the masks surface. Just the thought of having to wear one makes her shudder, and yet she has never tried one on for herself. Not that she needs to. Such things aren’t required in her line of work, though she does understand how the older generation, who had masks introduced to them part way through their lives, would find it difficult to get along with them. Accurately judge facial expressions and emotions of anyone wearing a mask is always a nightmarish minefield.

In truth, it had taken the waitress a couple years, this was back when she was a young child, to grow accustomed to relying only on people’s eyes to judge mood and intent. Now she seldom has an issue at all, like most of her generation, but for those who had relied on seeing strangers’ facial expressions she can understand the pitfalls and annoyances of trying to adjust to something quite different.

One of the street lights above Eleanor’s head flickers. She smiles beneath her mask, not that anyone, if there was anyone present, would be able to see her smile. That is something that even she forgets now and again as it is so natural to just smile at things and people instead of always verbalising everything. Still, it can’t be helped with the world the way it is, and yet she has to admit that tonight the city seems exceptionally quiet. It’s odd but not to the point that it causes her any concern. It would her parents, if they lived in the city, but they don’t. They still live out in the fresh clean air, well it is compared to all cities air, on a small farm that her dad and brother, Gareth, run together. Her dad, Thomas, will be retiring in the next couple years. Whether they’ll move at that point Eleanor cannot say. A part of her hopes they do and find a place closer to her, but she doubts they will. They’re country folk, as her mother, Claire, says every time anyone ever brings up the prospect of relocating to the city. Still, Eleanor can hope. She has to. If she didn’t then she’d likely be crushed beneath the weight of everything going on in the world, like the wars, the murders, the natural disasters and everything else that are all a part of daily life on Earth nowadays.

Apparently, it had been very different once. Eleanor isn’t sure she really believes that as she crosses paths with a white cat that is sat on the bottom step of one of the old four storey brick apartment buildings meowing softly.

“Aren’t you precious?” The waitress in the dark green coat says to the cat. As those words pass her lips the cat looks up at her with its big round eyes.

Eleanor doesn’t stop to pet the cat however. It’s too cold. At night the temperature really drops, even in the city. It’s why she’s wrapped up warm in a big three layered coat that is zipped and buttoned all the way up to the top. In truth, the coat is a little too big for her but she bought it that way on purpose as she wanted something a little big so that more of her would be cocooned within its padded material. After all, her walk home is three miles and she can get very cold during the journey home in the evenings. Though, she would have to admit that she regrets having to wear it in the mornings on her way to work when the temperature, even a little after dawn, is uncomfortable due to the humidity. Then again that is what she gets for living in a city surrounded by desert.

The buildings around Eleanor are all old and predominantly built using brick. It’s not a material that is often used for normal buildings in the city anymore because it takes too much time to erect and demolish. And in this city things are frequently demolished to make way for the next tower of glass, or for an angular block of jagged edges meant to elicit some emotion of another. For the most part they quickly become forgotten, which is why they are torn down so frequently.

If she was asked, the waitress would gladly tell whoever that she prefers the boxy brick buildings of old. They’re pretty. Plus they age well. In comparison to the glass blocks anyway, which look disgusting once the filth in the air inevitably begins to adhere to its surfaces. Perhaps if it did so evenly it might not be so bad, but it doesn’t. It clumps together at seemingly random points and at a rate that would force the buildings to be cleaned daily if such issues wished to be avoided. Brick on the other hand changes shade over time and only really becomes noticeable, in regards to dirt and grime, when new bricks are put next to an existing wall, or when it gets into such a sorry state that it literally becomes black and mucky.

Eleanor is suddenly hit by another gust. This is one is significantly less severe than the last dozen that have assaulted her. She’s relieved about that even if it is pretty typical now that she’s turned the corner so that the wind is slamming into the other side of the buildings across the street from her. If only the waitress could say that she wouldn’t have to make another turn on her way home. Sadly that isn’t the case and she’ll be turning soon and in doing so will have the current cross wind shift back to being a head wind. To make matters worse the arrow straight street she will be forced to trudge down is the one she has to follow all the way home. She really isn’t looking forward to being buffeted for little over a mile, but it’s the quickest and safest route home. After all, this is a city and in the city not all paths are safe to be trodden. Some are risky while others are unbelievably dangerous. Those options seem to be getting more numerous and worse as days go by. Yet, she wouldn’t trade her life in the city for anything. She loves it here. It might not have been where she was born, but it is her home. She knew that as soon as she moved here into her first tiny studio apartment. That was six years ago and since then she’s moved twice. Still, her living space has barely grown. Her home now is still only a one bedroom apartment in a building called The Watchmakers Mill. It isn’t much progress on size but that is all she can afford. Still, she’s never understood the name of her building because she knows watchmakers never worked in mills. They worked in factories. So either the name is nothing more than that, a name, or at some time before or after being a watchmakers it was a mill. Eleanor has lived there for two years and still hasn’t checked the history of the building to find out. She keeps meaning too but then other, more important, things come up.

Suddenly, there is a noise of clanging metal. Eleanor jumps and whips her head round to look in the direction she’s sure the noise came from. Immediately her fears, she doesn’t quite know what she feared she might find, are squashed due to her catching sight of a couple rats scurrying away from a bin. Eleanor sighs relieved and then realising she has come to a complete halt, which she finds very embarrassing even though she is alone on the street, urges herself to resume the pumping of her legs. If the night were warmer, who is she kidding the nights are never warm, she might be willing to dawdle. But that is only a might. It’s never happened so she can’t say for sure, though she does feel on edge now and is why instead of keeping her head down, as she had before the noise, she now looks all around her. She knows it’s stupid and yet she can’t stop herself.

Eleanor reaches the street corner a few minutes later, crosses the empty road to the farthest side and carries on down what is the final leg of her journey home. The wind, now that she is walking into it again, is relentless and keeps trying, with increasing ferocity, to rip the hood off her head. Because of that she has one of her exposed hands clinging desperately to one side of the hood, desperate to keep it in place as the first spots of rain start to fall from the sky. A couple have already hit Eleanor’s hand, but the bulk of the smattering has, thus far, dripped noisily onto her hood. The sound is distinctive, unmistakable, and yet she cannot explain it with any greater detail or clarity than that. That realisation is strange and makes her chuckle, once, to herself. Something so simple being so difficult to unravel the complexities of humours her. Still, has hastens her pace. After all, there is no need to be out in a rainstorm longer than necessary. Especially when the rain is as cold and chilling as it is, and at this temperature could fairly easily turn to sleet or hail. Eleanor doesn’t fancy having her poor hand battered by sharp, stinging balls of ice. They cause no real or lasting damage, but they do sting awfully for a while, especially when they impact upon exposed skin at the rate they do and you have nowhere to shelter from them.

Eleanor isn’t alone on this street, like she had been the ones before. There are a few people milling about. They too are wearing masks and wrapped up warm against the biting wind. The difference between the waitress and those around her is simple; they haven’t got hold of their hoods desperately trying to keep them in place. Eleanor is jealous of that and wishes she too wasn’t forced to choose between exposing her hand to the rain as it continues to splatter droplets down at a now increasing frequency or risk exposing her head to the same.

The chill in her hand is made worse by the growing wetness she can feel across her skin. It makes her wish she could wipe it away. And she could, it’s just there is little point seeing as it will soon be right back to being slick with moisture once more. Plus, her keeping her hood up and head dry are far more important than the mild inconvenience of a rain soaked hand. After all, she doesn’t want to catch a cold. That is the last thing she wants in fact as it would mean a mandatory week off. That might sound strange but following a string of global virus outbreaks it was written into law that any employee showing signs of sickness would need to remain home for a week at minimum and then present the results of a test, that can be undertaken at home, to show that they are not contagious. Following that the employee is be permitted to return to work.

As a waitress Eleanor already doesn’t earn much, and most of what she does is from tips, so if she was forced to take an unintentional week off it could really negatively her ability to pay her bills and for food.

“Looks like miserable weather out tonight.” Eleanor hears a man say to a woman walking next to him as they pass going the opposite direction to the waitress.

Eleanor catches no more of the conversation, but from the single line she did she would have to agree. As if on cue the heavens open and what Eleanor can only describe as an endless blanket of water falls out of the sky. She groans and sighs to herself as she breaks into a jog. She can’t run, not in this coat, so either she has to find shelter or get home. She’d prefer it to be the latter but with almost a mile still to go she determines that shelter really would be the more appropriate option until this downpour lets up, even if only a little.

Sadly, there isn’t much cover on this street with its flat fronted buildings, most of which are cafes, restaurants or empty units that have long since had any sheltering overhangs removed to stop the homeless from sleeping in their doorways. Eleanor refuses to give up hope however and so begins turning her head this way and that until finally she spots the entrance to a narrow dimly lit alley. She’s passed dozens identical to this one on her way home, but this one, unlike others, has a fire escape which has a sheet of metal erected atop poles like a roof over the highest section of the outside series of zigzagging metal steps and levels. As a result the ground within the footprint is dry and out of the rain. Eleanor smiles, quickly calculates how safe she’ll be as alleys at night are not the best place to be lingering, even though it is only maybe a couple metres from the mouth to the edge of the street where she is stood, soaked.

Several tosses of her head from right to left and back again occur prior to the waitress concluding that it’s worth the risk to get out of this rain as it won’t be long before her coat will start to cloy to her if she stays out in this weather. I can’t have that because then I will almost certainly end up getting suck and being forced to take a week off without proper pay, she thinks to herself.

With her decision made, Eleanor makes the dozen quick strides that see her leave the hammering rain and dip into the sheltered area. Her first instinct is to exhale, relieved that she is out of the downpour, which continues to intensify. That sudden increase in the rainfall surprises her. Then she concludes that this has to be the worst storm she’s seen in the city in years. That alone suggests to the waitress that the city was long overdue something like this, yet she hasn’t a clue whether that’s true or not. It sounds good in her head she has to admit while wiping some of the water off her slick, cold hand that once only damp she shoves into her pocket. Her hope is that it will soon get some warmth, and proper feeling, back into it.

This is not how she wanted to spend part of her evening, lingering under a fire escape, and yet the waitress loves the sound of rain as it hits and bounces off whatever surface happens to be in the droplets paths. The sound alone brings a slight smile to her face, but the wind, still ever present, dampens that a little. However, Eleanor does take some solace in the fact that the wind cannot tear through her, like it had out on the street, because of the presence of the building to her right. The one the fire escape is bolted too, under which she is sheltering. Sadly, nothing can stop the cold she feels bleeding into her bones, chilling her as she stands on the spot.

A couple minutes pass during which Eleanor grows ever colder, but with the rain showing no sign of letting up she feels compelled to do something other than stand rooted to the spot. That’s why before long the waitress begins to twist the upper half of her body from side to side. She hopes the motion, as limited as it is, will generate some heat in her body to help push back the cold.

It half works she decides after a couple more minutes have elapsed, but still leaves her legs feeling cold. On top of that her knee length red skirt clings to the tops of her legs due to having got wet. The sensation is uncomfortable, though not as bad as feeling the cold air on the bottom half of her wet exposed legs. Had she known rain was forecast for today she would have brought a change of clothes, not that there is anywhere for her to change at work, except maybe the toilets. She curls up her nose at the prospect of having to get changed in those toilets. Not because they’re an eyesore of filth and decay but because she knows why most customers go in there and it is not to use the facilities, or be alone. The waitress isn’t judging the customers. After all, it’s their lives and their choice what they want to do, but doesn’t mean she wants to have her clothes touching any of those surfaces as a result.

OK, my legs are getting too cold now, Eleanor thinks moments before she starts to hop from one foot to the other to desperately halt the spread of the cold. As she does so the waitress takes note that the rain is hammering down at an almost past horizontal angle. She would have sworn that was impossible and still would if she was not seeing it with her own two eyes. And then she can’t because out of nowhere and with no warning the rain suddenly stops. Eleanor blinks confused by the fact that the rainstorm ended as suddenly as it did. Like a tap being turned off, she thinks. That seems too good to be true, which is why Eleanor makes no attempt to step from her shelter. The waitress fears that if she does the driving rain will return at the worst possible time, likely leaving her without shelter and forced to trudge home soaked and chilled to the bone.

“Hey! What you doing down here?” A male voice calls from out of nowhere making Eleanor jump out of her skin in the moments before she does a one eighty.

Having turned she finds a man wearing a big puffy black coat covering his torso, which ends roughly around his waist, as well as a pair of grey jeans. The bottom half of his face is covered by a mask, similar to her own, while his brown eyes are barely visible from below the brim of the blue cap on his head. He has his hands in his pocket and shoulders up to brace against the cold, but seems to be dry. Lucky him, Eleanor thinks wishing she could say the same.

If not for the rainstorm she would have been home by now, she thinks. She can’t be sure as she doesn’t wear a watch and is definitely not fishing about in her pocket for her phone in this weather. Risking that might see the flat slate shaped device slip from her hand and shatter against the hard concrete beneath her feet. The last thing she wants is to be without her phone and in need of a repair for it.

“Hi, I’m just sheltering from the rain.” Eleanor replies with a sweet smile that she quickly realises this man cannot see, though her tone of voice should be enough to convey that her tone is friendly and cheery.

“It’s not raining.” Is the blunt, slightly hostile reply that she gets from the man who takes a couple steps closer toward Eleanor, relaxing his shoulders as he does.

“I know. It just stopped. Do you live in this building?” Eleanor asks feeling slightly confused as to why this man is being hostile. If he does live in the building next to her that might explain his rudeness, maybe, as people in the buildings down this street do get a little tetchy about people loitering about encase they’re burglars. However, Eleanor can’t imagine that she looks like a burglar. After all, how many people have ever gone out breaking and entering with a skirt on? Her guess would be not many, if any at all. It just wouldn’t be practical.

“Where I live is none of your business, now move along.” The man pulls a hand from one of his coat pockets and gesticulates with a wave meant to reinforce his shooing words.

“Sorry, I meant no harm, I just wanted out of the rain.” Eleanor offers in explanation only for the man to take several more steps toward her. At that moment the waitress gets a bad feeling as a shiver runs down her spine. Something about him isn’t right, she thinks, but she can’t put her finger on what. Not that she has too with the rain having stopped. That’s why she begins to edge backward away from him, the shelter provided by the fire escape and the alley as a whole.

“Well the rain has passed now, so get.” The man’s brow furrows with deep ridges as he barks the words at her.

Eleanor agrees it’s time for her to leave and hastens her backpedalling away from the man who takes a few more slower steps in pursuit of her until the waitress finds herself back on the street having to apologise to a couple she almost crashed into. Right after she peers back down the alley only to find that the man is gone. Her brow furrows as her eyes probe the darkness. But she finds nothing and as the wind howls and cuts through her the waitress is reminded and compelled to scurry off heading for home once more.

Contradiction

Choose a route then change your mind
Can’t you simply pick and grind?
Walk a road without a shift
It’s beginning to make me miffed

Why can’t you just be clear?
Instead of wandering over there and here
It’s like a cloud has come down
Attempting to steal every crown

What is best for you
Might not be for me
Stop trying to convince…
That you want it identically

Say you love a single colour
Then change to yet another
At this rate they’ll be none left
A bit like all the friends bereft

It is just a simple choice
Make one then just use your voice
Shouldn’t be that hard to do
Except it seems when it is you

What is best for you
Might not be for me
Stop trying to convince…
That you want it identically

Partisan is not a crime
Unless you wish to jump the line
Make a statement then take it back
Getting sick of this track

So do something and make it yours
Not continuing to make chores
This is life and its hard enough
There’s no need to act tough

What is best for you
Might not be for me
Stop trying to convince…
That you want it identically

Dumb Criminal

Kerching, your the victim
The pickpocket system
A day late and way too short
Time to speak with a consort
But that takes cash
And you have none
Even tried to steal for fun
Never knew you were that dumb
Sat within the metal bars
The cops are laughing at your charge
While you plead, there’s been a mistake
Yeah its called your stupid intake
But still you make an excuse
Something about being robbed at Boots
Even the crooks roar and laugh
Asking how anyone can be so daft
Then comes time for your one call
But you don’t have a single soul
Too busy dreaming up new schemes
If only you’d had better dreams
But here we are and you don’t
Even the judge thinks your a joke
Sentencing takes only a line
This is your fifteenth crime
Having never consulted a lawyer
No surprise you’ll be serving time
So if you ever try this game
Remember it will only lead to pain
Instead just do the decent thing
And stop trying to play the victim

Sail The Open Seas

Riding on the sullen sea
Where there is a salty breeze
As gulls do fly around
And here there is no ground
At least not what is called land
Instead on planks of wood we stand
While the air blows in our face
And the ship rolls all over the place
With a hold full of golden coins
That we spend as we sail along
Unsure if we’ll reach the port
Or be sunk to the oceans floor
What a time to be alive
Out searching for our greatest prize
As enemies come bearing down
Ready to blast us until we drown
But little do they realise
That we will sing and chant about how we’re alive
Not be weighed by their honours
The ones that they’ve just adopted
Seeing as they sail these seas
With a flag sown for royalty
But underneath they are just the same
Pirate with a different name

Patchwork

Impact on the subtle shame
When did life become this pain?
A tormented wisp of nothing more…
Than a hand crushing your organ core
While a circle becomes the drain
A quest for fame will drive you insane
So remember what you wanted most
Give that up you morph to a ghost

Hampered by what should have been
The claw down the back of living
Paralyse then reap and steal
This has become what is ideal
No point in dwelling in the sun
Before too long you’ll be long gone
So remember hope when in the clouds
Forgetting yourself will make you dowd

Obsessing in the empty cave
What a way to abandon brave
Wither then just simply fade
Digging yourself an early grave
Nothing more than lost not found
What a way to be put in the ground
Sad state while hammering nails
It’s why the collective face has failed

Patched up like a mismatched thing
Little left to be called being
Shelling like it is your skin
I am one and you are him
But none of that will change the route
Entity that has become a brute
So listen long and listen well
What remains is how we fashioned hell

Changing Faces

Getting close to the end of March. This week I have what is in some ways a story very typical of me, yet at the same time different. The overall story is definitely Sci-Fi (and roughly 13,900 words), however the opening half really doesn’t make it seem that way. In fact, there are no hints at what is to come, which was fun to write and gives nothing away. So I’m not going to say anymore as I don’t want to give anything away.

The walls are cream in colour and manage to blend, as well as contrast, with the white expanse of ceiling broken only by the rows of soft yellow light cast by the small circular bulbs that sit within silver tubes partly recessed into said ceiling.

The wall by comparison is a checkerboard of dark grey and off-white with a solid black line as a border which is indented away from the skirting boards. The skirting boards are again another shade of white and help to properly define the edges of the entire five metre by five metre square room. At the centre of the white room, whose walls are adorned by a myriad of exquisite and expensive looking oil paintings, sits a set of black anodised aluminium legs topped with a single continuous piece of slate adhered to a chunky piece of stained wood which is then fixed to the legs. Around the slate table are six fairly bland metal framed chairs with padded seats and backs that look inviting and yet somehow slightly out of character compared to the rest of the sparsely furnished room.

On the slate table sit dishes, bowls and platters stacked to almost spilling with foods that run the colour gambit from pale all the way through to vibrant reds, oranges, yellows and greens. The four people around the table busily prepare themselves, with greedy licks of their lips, for the last of the feast to be laid out so that they might begin to dig in and feast until they are well and truly stuffed. Before that however the doorbell rings.

“I’ll get it. Harold can you serve the last of the food please? It’s on the side in the kitchen.” A woman, Francesca, calls as she blurs toward the front door of her and her husband’s six bedroom, three storey house which sits in the suburbs of New Tanga.

“Yes dear.” Harold says with a smirk as he finishes rising from his seat and then head for the kitchen to carry out the order his wife has issued him.

Harold has short black hair and calm kind brown eyes as well as a winning smile. But the man’s true brilliance is in his dress sense. He is always in a suit, no matter what. A pencil thick dark blue tie marrying perfectly with the white shirt, blue trousers and waistcoat, which he has all of the buttons of fastened. His shoes meanwhile are brown and polished to such a shine that there is a real risk that they could be used as a mirror, and yet Harold also has a beard. Many find it an anomaly when they hear his voice and create a picture of him in their heads. But once they meet him and feel his cherry presence they conclude that his beard, short and perfectly groomed, fits the man perfectly and from then on cannot imagine the man, with the face shape he has, without it.

“Always the labourer, aren’t you Rold?” One of their guests, Ashe, says seconds before a smirk appears and she raises the glass to her rosy red lips to sip at the contents.

Ashe has shoulder length black hair made up of tight curls which cover the shoulder straps of her tasteful dark green dinner dress. The dress is almost identical in colour to her green eyes, except it is maybe a shade darker.

“Fran knows best Ashe, you know that.” Harold replies with a chuckle seconds before he disappears from sight leaving Ashe, her husband Benedict and the only other guest who has managed to make it on time for tonight’s dinner party, Kimberley.

“So Kim, how are things?” Benedict, Ashe’s husband, asks with his brilliant white teeth on full display.

“Ben, stop it. You know…” Ashe begins following a quick dig of her elbow into her husbands’ ribs, which he expertly manages not to react too. It’s impressive as he would have to admit that his wife does have decidedly sharp elbows. It’s like she sharpens them just for such occasions.

“No, it’s OK.” Kim stresses trying to stop her presence resulting in any sort of domestic dispute. That is the last thing she wants to be the cause of. Especially, after having found out her last relationship had been a complete lie and that Len had actually been married and still together with his wife. If they’d have been split with little to no chance of getting back together then Kim wouldn’t have reacted as she had, but that had not been the case. She’d been a side chick, his vernacular not hers. And to think she was stupid enough to believe everything he said and had even started planning for a future together. It makes her sick. In fact, sick isn’t even the true extent of how it makes her feel.

It may have been a few weeks but that doesn’t mean that she’s over it yet and how could she be after finding out that the last two and a half years of her life were a lie.

“I’m…yeah. Think that’s about as much as I can say on the matter to be honest.” Kim hurriedly adds not wanting to drift off into her own thoughts, as has been her tendency recently, and then darken her mood by over thinking and mulling over details and signs that she should have seen but didn’t. At least in her mind she should have seen them. Everyone around her has assured that they had no inkling either and Kim believes them. After all, none of them knew Len before they got together. Stop thinking about him! She screams at herself.

“What a bastard!” Ben mutters without thinking. His outburst results in a glare from Ashe that tells him he needs to shut it so they can move the conversation on to more pleasant things.

Ashe however doesn’t give her husband the chance to blunder along anymore than he already has as she queries, “You look unbelievable tonight Kim. Are you sure you’re staying for the evening? Cause you look like you’re going to a much swankier event than this.”

Ashe is hoping that this will take Kim’s mind off Len. If Ashe ever sees him again she is going to kick him in the bullocks until his voice becomes so high-pitched only animals will be able to hear him speak. Yet, that is nowhere near as much as he deserves after what he’s done to her amber eyed friend Kim who is sat sheepishly on the seat around the slate table wearing a sparkly silver dress that hugs her figure in all the right places. It’s the sort of thing Ashe wishes she could get away with but can’t and wouldn’t have the confidence too. Yet, she is beyond happy that Kim was willing to wear something that makes her eyes pop that much, even if her night out is a quiet meal with friends.

“Thanks Ashe. I feel kinda stupid in it though.” The woman with loosely curled blonde hair that reaches down to her shoulder blades says fidgeting in her seat.

“Why?” Ben asks without engaging the link between his brain and his mouth until the words are out there in the ether.

“You are never usually this dense my love, did you hit your head.” Ashe says through gritted teeth as she stares at her husband with judging eyes.

“Sorry Kim. I didn’t think.” Ben quickly mutters only for Kim to assure, “No, its fine. It’s a fair question. Don’t take it out on him Ashe. Truth is; I don’t feel me. I feel like someone else. It sounds stupid I know but…”

Kim hasn’t a clue where she is going with what she is saying or what words will come out of her mouth next. She does, however, know exactly what is going through her head. Len. She wishes, again, that it wasn’t but she’d started this, not Ben or Ashe. Kim just wishes that snake wasn’t always on the tip of her tongue. In time that’ll change she knows, but right now it grates and makes her just want to bury her head in the sand and tell the whole world to go fuck itself. And if anyone should be tormented it should be the betrayer not the betrayed.

Thankfully, Harold reappears with the remainder of the food at that moment. Kim feels blessed. As though for the first time since the truth came out and the split with Len occurred she has been given a break. No one returns to the previous topic now that Harold is present again. He quickly whisks across the room aiming for a section of the table not crammed yet. In fact the area is looking markedly bland without the dish in his hands occupying it.

“Hope you’re all hungry. I had no idea that Fran was going to be making this much food.” Harold chuckles wildly as he sets the dish down and then smiles broadly at his guests. He wishes Kim looked happier, but he knows none of them can fix that.

Francesca appears in the doorway of their dining room with a smile. Harold catches it immediately and wonders what she is up to. It has to be something if she’s smiling like that. That isn’t her normal smile. It’s her, I’ve been scheming smile. He really hopes she hasn’t planned to set Kim up for the night with a dinner date. He really doesn’t think she’ll be in the mood for that.

Harold can still remember that time Francesca set up one of his friends after their wife had tried to kill him with a broken bottle as he slept. He shudders, at least mentally. He can’t be sure but hopes he hasn’t just shuddered physically. If he has that might draw questions which he’d rather not have to answer seeing as that would mean retreading those memories. He doesn’t want to just avoid that for his own sake though, but also Kim’s. He doubts she’d want to hear about how Sean had almost been stabbed to death as he slept by his wife, Rey, because she’d taken some drug while out clubbing that had made her believe that she was a captive in her own home. She’s in an institution now as a result of the drugs she took. They caused long-term neurological issues because she apparently suffered from some sort of psychological disorder that made her irrationally angry. Harold hadn’t known any of this until the day of the hearing when Rey had been sentenced. He didn’t know, at the time, why Sean had never told him. Later, Sean had admitted that he was embarrassed not by his wife but by his inability to help her, as though he was supposed to have all the answers because they were partners. Much later had been when Francesca had decided to set Sean up with this woman named Tara who was way too handsy and familiar for a first meeting. That had ended poorly and Harold really hopes his wife clad in her little black dress with red highlights in her otherwise brown just above the shoulder hair hasn’t done it again.

“Who was at the door dear?” Harold asks finally. He isn’t sure how long he’s been stood silently looking at her but he thinks it’s only been a few seconds.

Thankfully, if it isn’t all he will be guilty of is leering at his wife. No one will comment on that as there is nothing to comment in. It’s not disrespectful or strange for a married man to stare at his own wife. At least it isn’t when it comes to Harold and Francesca. He’s never really paid attention to whether others do anything similar; it isn’t his place to in his eyes. That is between partners and always should be.

“Our last guest.” Francesca replies coyly and without giving anything away. That makes a pit of dread open up within Harold who at that moment becomes convinced his wife has done it again and is attempting to set Kim up with someone. He quickly begins to run through his options. How he can diffuse this impending disaster before it derails and turns the entire evening into a raging inferno littered with the ruins of what used to be friendships.

“Everyone, this is Amber. Amber, meet everyone.” Francesca announces with a smile.

In that moment Harold feels relief wash over him. His wife having invited one of her friends, from before she got married and they met. Thank God, he thinks before quickly realising he needs to play his part of deputy host.

“Nice to see you again, Amber. It’s been a while but you’re looking well.” Harold offers as he casts his eyes over Amber, who has short green hair, ruffled to create a messy but fashionable look that suits and marries well with her hazel green eyes. Though, her choice of outfit, a simple dark grey dress and a pair of white stiletto heels, is much more low-key than he would have expected from a woman with green hair.

“Thank you Harold I am and yes it has been a good while since we last met. I can see Fran still doesn’t let you in on every one of her little plans.” Is the reply uttered by Amber is she stands there with a playful smile on her face.

“What do you mean?” Harold replies slightly confused.

“By the look on your face she clearly didn’t tell you I was coming.” Amber says with a short chuckle that sounds forced and as though she is trying to sound cute.

“Where would be the fun in that?” Francesca replies before everyone bursts in to a round of chuckles, except Harold who casually circles the table and his guests to be by his wife.

“Was this planned?” Harold whispers in her ear while pretending to show her affection. As he does this Amber busily introduces herself to Ashe, Ben and Kim.

“No. I didn’t know. I knew she was in town, but she invited herself while I was cooking.” Francesca admits in her own whispered tone.

“She called you?” Harold exclaims surprised.

“Yeah. Which is why I was lost for words and then the next thing I knew the call was over and then the doorbell rang.”  

“How long was it between the call ending and the bell ringing?” Harold asks suddenly suspicious of Amber who only ever seems to want to bed a man that she really shouldn’t.

“I don’t know, maybe a couple minutes.” Francesca admits unsure. She was cooking after all and often loses track of time as a result. Harold understands this, which is why he doesn’t press his love further.

“I know you.” Amber suddenly says to Kim. In response Kim looks baffled by the sudden announcement by the newest addition to their dinner party. Kim even studies Amber’s face, but after almost thirty seconds of intense analysis has to admit that she is sure she has never seen Amber before in her life. “I don’t think so.” Are the words that flow from between Kim’s lips without her having to think.

“Yeah, you were at Balthazar’s a couple weeks ago.” Amber states confidently and with a flutter of her hazel-green eyes.

“Balthazar’s?” Ben questions having never heard the name before in his life. It’s why he soon looks to Ashe who’s eyes are wide and glossy. It tells him that Ashe knows exactly what Balthazar’s is. That alone makes it all the more confusing seeing as if his wife knows then he should too. After all, they rarely go out separately. Unless Balthazar’s is not a place Ashe has been and only… Then it dawns on him why his wife would have the expression she has. He mouths, oh shit, right after and then casts his gaze around to see Harold and Francesca wearing the exact same expressions as Ashe and at this stage likely himself as well.

Surprisingly however, Kim doesn’t look shocked or afraid or anything really. Instead, she looks calm and that surprises him. He wouldn’t be if their roles were reversed. You should say something! He screams at himself, only to nod like an idiot, attempt to speak and find that no words come out. Rather, his mouth flaps a bit like a fishes might while aimlessly paddling around its bowl staring out at a world beyond its limited sphere of water that is doesn’t understand in the slightest.

“I never forget a face.” Amber declares proudly before continuing, “You were wearing a really stunning dress. That dress is part of the reason I can’t forget seeing you there.”

“Thanks.” Kim replies with a nervous look in her eyes. She hopes this Amber doesn’t bring up who she was with, Len. It’s bad enough that she can’t get him out of her head, but for a stranger just having introduced themselves to then go on would that night, it would be too much. Her friends are different. They know the history, the story, the details of what happened and where.

Amber at that point becomes acutely aware that eyes are on her. All eyes in fact. It’s uncomfortable for the woman and why she soon turns to see the looks on the four faces around her. “What? Have I got something in my teeth?”

“….No…no Amber, it’s nothing, forget it.” Francesca quickly splutters after having recovered and shaken herself from her fearful stare.

“Oh…….OK. I get the feeling I’m missing something. And that that something relates to me being here. If you like I can…” Amber begins but doesn’t finish as Harold leaps in and assures, “No Amber. You’re welcome here. We’re just trying to work out if we have enough food. Sudden moment of panic seemed like perhaps we didn’t. Apologies if you got the wrong impression though.” Harold forces a smile alongside a chuckle he hopes will be enough to convince the green haired woman.

“Oh don’t worry I don’t eat much.” Amber assures having apparently bought the pretty thin excuse Harold has offered as she performs a wave with one of her hands.

Everyone breathes a sigh of relief until Amber states, “Cute guy you were with. Not my type. Well not usually. Pity you left in such a hurry, you little bitch!” Amber’s soft tone of voice is gone and has been replaced with anger as she snaps her head back toward Kim and glares. A deep, wild fire burns in the green haired woman’s eyes as her features darken by the second.

“Amber!” Francesca exclaims in shock and confusion.

“Well, what do you expect when I find my man in the most popular club around writhing about with this little whore?” Amber spits the words from her mouth with all the venom in the world. Her hands balling into fists as the words pass her lips.

“Y-You’re L-Lens…” Kim stutters unable to find her words and get anything else out. Not that she needs to as Amber already can guess what Kim is trying to say, which is why she is nodding slowly as she bites on her lower lip.

“You’re married to that cheating shithead?” Ben exclaims without thinking, only to have Amber come whirling around so that she can deliver a chilling glare to him. It doesn’t have the desired affect really as Benedict isn’t afraid of Amber. However, he does conclude not to say anything else. Not that he was ever intending too. He doesn’t think the man is worth wasting any more words on.

“Since when?” Francesca asks unaware that Amber had gotten married.

“Three years Fran.” Amber spits angrily at her friend who hasn’t shown much interest in the last few years because she’s been too busy with her own husband and her new friends, one of which is the woman who slept with her partner.

“I-I didn’t know.” Kim stutters as she begins to shake.

“Kim, you’re shaking.” Ashe blurts worried about her blonde friend. She goes to move from her seat and rush over to Kim. Whether to offer support, protection or both Ashe cannot say, but whatever it is she intends she never gets the chance as Amber leaps to her feet and puts herself between Ashe and the quaking Kim.

“I don’t think so.” Is the cold reply Amber delivers as she shuffles right and left to block the woman, who introduced herself a couple minutes ago.

“Why are you here?” Harold asks with judgement in his eyes.

“To speak to…” Amber begins but is cut off by Fran who growls, “So you knew who she was and where she would be. You’re sick Amber. Get out of my fucking house. Get out!”

Amber recoils. She has never seen Francesca angry before and has to admit that it is not only terrifying but in no way in-keeping with the rest of her character. Maybe that’s why it’s terrifying she thinks without making any attempt to move.

“Did you not hear me, Amber? I said get out. And you will really want to get out.” Francesca grinds her teeth together. Her lower jaw shifts from left to right and then continues to repeat the process over and over now that she’s finished speaking.

“I’m here for answers Fran, surely you can understand that?” Amber attempts to reason and paint herself as the victim even though this confrontation is all of her own making.

“This wasn’t the way to do it.” Harold assures as he wraps his arms around Fran’s waist. It’s a precautionary measure. He doesn’t actually think his wife will throw herself at Amber and physically attack her. Though, he isn’t willing to take that chance, especially as he has never seen his wife angry like this in the seven years he’s known her. However, he can’t say he blames Francesca, Kim is after all, the closest thing to a sister she has ever had. They really are that close. Perhaps that is part of the problem for Amber. How she would know any of that to be jealous of their relationship he can’t say.

“I’m not here to cause trouble.” Amber promises having suddenly turned from a raging angry beast to something decidedly more fragile.

“Then why do you have a look in your eyes that says otherwise?” Ben asks with a sceptical tone of voice and a single raised eyebrow.

“Fine. OK, I’m angry. Very angry. I thought everything was going so well between us and then I see my man in the most popular club in town with…” Amber explains before turning and continuing, “…with you. It made me angry. And when I confronted him he admitted it. Just like that.” Amber snaps her fingers and then continues. “More than two years of cheating. And to make it worse I didn’t even have to drag the truth out of him. Instead, he sounded and looked proud of what he’d done. Like it was some kind of fucking achievement!” Amber sounds miserable and collapses to the seat she had been perched upon a short time ago. Then she begins to sob into her hands.

In that moment Ben, Ashe, Harold and Fran feel their outrage and disbelief turn to sorrow for the green haired woman who they should not have judged as harshly as they did.

They’d all forgotten that Amber too is a victim in all that happened, like Kim. And while what she did tonight to get to Kim was the worst way of doing it, they cannot damn her for it now that they can see the state she is in.

Kim understands what Amber is going through, except from the other side of the coin. That is why she moves over to Amber and then wraps her arms around the woman. Kim hopes that will bring Amber some comfort. Sadly all Kim can think about as she stands there is how Len had announced that he was married and that Kim was a side chick. He seemed proud too when he’d announced that and almost cackled right in her face as if he wanted her to react. But she hadn’t. She’d simply stood rooted to the spot she was on, paralysed. It had taken several minutes before she’d started crying. That had been when reality finally hit her and by that time she’d been alone in her apartment. Then, when she thought she was past the worst of it, Kim had seen the proof; Len had left it for her on the table, that she wasn’t the only woman. The face and head had been blurred out or obscured in some way in every photo. At the time she hadn’t understood why but she does now because the woman in her arms is his wife and he didn’t want Kim knowing.

“I’m sorry Amber. I…” Kim trails off almost immediately because she doesn’t know what to say.

And anything she does say will only be her attempting to excuse what she did, even though she didn’t know, and that doesn’t feel right or appropriate.

Harold, Fran, Ben and Ashe have said nothing. Though, they have succeeded in silently agreeing that they need to give the two women, both hurt by the bastard Len, some time. It’s why they quietly shuffle from their respective positions out of the dining room, without being noticed, and into the kitchen next door. What they plan to do now they’re in the kitchen they don’t know, much like they haven’t a clue how long they will give the two women. All they do know is that they don’t feel like being comfortable, which is why the kitchen seemed like the obvious choice. It’s like they’ve decided to punish themselves for their overly swift judgement and conclusions, which they feel ashamed of themselves for now.

Though, out of all of them Francesca, as Amber’s oldest friend, is the most unlike her normal self. She even stands alone, not wanting her husband near her, as she stares at a point on the floor. If the others didn’t know better they’d think there is a stain that needs to be cleaned. But there isn’t.  There’s nothing but white tiles speckled with grey flecks and tiny points of shiny reflective light.

Back in the dining room Amber she stopped weeping and is now sniffling, while Kim sat in the chair next to her. It’s as they had been previously when Amber had not long since arrived, been announced and then started to make introductions with the other guests.

It surprises her now that she managed to keep her resolve and follow through with the plan she’d concocted, but she had for better or for worse. However, she can safely say that she is no longer angry with Kim, the woman who slept with her husband. Instead, she has to admit that she finds her to be an almost mirror flip of herself. In some ways that comforts her.

“Where are you staying?” Kim asks showing genuine concern for the woman before her who on closer inspection isn’t looking perhaps as pristine as she first thought, ignoring the mascara running down her cheeks that is.

“In a hotel that’s a couple miles away.” Amber admits feeling decidedly weaker and more exposed than she would normally be comfortable with, especially when in the presence of someone she barely knows. Yet, she doesn’t wish to box up all her emotions again like they had been before. Just the thought of keeping everything pent up terrifies her to such a pitch that it is almost overwhelming.

“Have you been home?” Kim asks.

Amber shakes her head softly from side to side only for Kim to announce, “How about you come and stay with me?”

The offer is a surprise even to Kim who had not considered the implications of the wife of the man she had been having a relationship with staying with her. Clearly it also shocked Amber too as her head jolts up only for her eyes to scan busily Kim’s face.

“I don’t know. I…We don’t know each other.” Amber mutters hesitantly.

“Maybe we should. Cause we’re clearly better off without that fuckhead.” For the first time since Len had told her he had a wife and that what they had meant nothing, Kim feels something other than pain, sadness and despair. The anger is still there, except there is more of it now, a lot more. Yet, it feels somehow comforting being angry. It was an emotion that while present before felt muted up until now, as though she wasn’t able to actually feel it. That had worried her. It hadn’t seemed normal and the blonde had wondered if it meant she wouldn’t feel anything other than misery ever again. Now that she does feel anger, properly, she’ll hold onto it. It’s her right after what’s happened, like it is Amber’s too. Yet, Kim feels she should help Amber so that they can both get through what has happened to them.

“You really think so?” Amber feels lost and totally unsure of herself as those words pass her lips. Especially as minutes ago she’d been angry and determined. That is all lost now though. It evaporated when she learned that Kim, was not the instigator, the cause of the affair. Her hope was that she had been. But she wasn’t, and deep down she knew that but didn’t want to admit it. Truth is, Len was. Amber doesn’t think she’s ever felt so badly betrayed in all her life, because she really loved Len. Loved, past tense. You’re already moving on and you should, you must. This is your life, not his.

Amber sniffs again and then answers not with the response she thinks she should give but with the response she wants to give. “Yeah, you’re right we should.”

Kim smiles softly. Amber finds the other woman’s smile comforting. It’s why she returns the expression as they both rise from their seats intending to find the other guests. Amber might still leave, once she’s offered her apology. If she does she’ll wait for Kim somewhere. After all, she crashed this dinner party, her oldest friend’s dinner part, and caused a lot of issues in doing so. She feels terrible for having done so, and Amber isn’t convinced Fran will be able to forgive her, which picks uncomfortably at her already raw emotions.

However, as Amber reaches the doorway of the dining room and turns to make sure that Kim is right behind her she is met with the perfect view of Kim’s eyes rolling back into her head seconds prior to the blonde flopping forward toward the floor. Amber screams, she can’t say if she screams words or not, but wastes no time in rushing forward to catch Kim. The green haired woman succeeds but cannot keep the blonde upright and so sinks to the polished checkerboard floor as Ben, Fran, Harold and Ashe appear.

“What happened?” Ashe questions fearfully as Ben begins to dial for an ambulance.

“I-I don’t know. She was right behind me and then…” Amber trails off frantic.

“Her pulse is erratic.” Harold declares a very short time later and then orders, “We need to lay her flat. She might be having a seizure.”

“She isn’t convulsing.” Someone says before long, though who none of them can be certain. The most likely candidate is Ben as he’s on a call to the emergency services answering questions.

The only words any of them take note of are, “You’ve got to hurry, please.” But they come at the end of the conversation before Ben ends the call perhaps more swiftly than he should have.

Fran and Harold put pillows under Kim’s head and cover her with a blanket. Amber meanwhile, with the pillows over the upper sections of her legs because she is knelt on the hard floor, keeps Kim’s head in her elevated and in her hands.

When the ambulance arrives a little over two minutes later Ashe and Ben meet them at the doorstep and usher them inside.

With the paramedics in the dining room everyone vacates, except for Amber who refuses to leave Kim’s side as they work on stabilising and then moving the unconscious Kim onto a gurney for transport to the hospital. Neither of them willing to say what is wrong with the unconscious blonde woman.

Endless Spiral

Heaven sent on the wings of the wind
This whole world is yet to be binned
Crawling down the endless street
To a place where the bones will meet
Not a victim or a disease
Just a pit within which stirs brutality

Polarised by the weave of the gone
A moment in time which was wrong
Hating all that came to be
Like a fracture in the come in see
But this land is not our own
We are just rot stuck to the bone

Clinging on for the life of the land
Is there a problem for which we stand?
The answers yes but still we rise
Refusing to bring forth the prize
Stitching shut all the eyes
All so we can continue all our dark lies

Vertical with a malice so grand
Writhing from the inside of rebrand
Screaming to the limitless void
All the time pretending to be coy
When what is this is not that
Twisting history and established fact

Cured

You grow like a cancer
But I have a chance here
To shed you from my life
And rise to a new height

No point in crying
My life is a prized thing
So now I am long gone
Time for a new song

Set up on fresh shores
Rid of the old sores
The light is just great
And I won’t lose it

I will never be like you
So happy to say so
My world is all my own
What a great home

So thanks for the lessons
The only thing I beckon
Can’t believe that it came true
After the tumor that was you

Written

Scratch the point against the page
Scarring surface with memories
The soft flow of ink will come
Leaving a stain upon the run

Engraved deep within its face
The markings of our embrace
Note it down but don’t give pause
For this is what is the cause

Then while its purpose will have changed
Nothing will take its beauty away
A shift in direction is a need
The words of man sing with glee

Haunt

I’m running and running I can’t take anymore
This whole world has become but a bore
Fighting and killing what a strange way to live
Is there a way for me to forgive?
When the time is short and my mind is numb
I feel the demons continuing to come
With an ice cold shiver going down my spine
I want to say all good but this isn’t fine
Just a one way trip to the end of the road
During a period where there is no code
That’s why I always seem to stumble
Everyone of these voices is a jumble
Tracing lines down to the fold
Not a place where you’ll ever find gold
Juggling disease and fade away
Like a kitten damned to drown in the bay
All while dreading as the light shines bright
Moments before you’re faced with a terrified night