I’m always in trouble, it’s just the depth that varies.
At this point I’d be better roaming the prairies.
You think I’m joking but it’s so true.
Ever word out my mouth is an offence to more than a few.
Feels like I should just never speak again.
Take a vow of silence and ignore everything.
Live in a shack up in the hills.
Fill my days with redundant frills.
The kind that offer little more than a time sink.
At least that way I wouldn’t be responsible for kicking up a stink.
But doing that seems so dull to me.
At that point I might as well become a tree.
Stay rooted and motionless at a single spot.
Growing taller, content with what I’ve got.
What a dull way to whittle away your days.
Doing that would definitely send me crazed.
So damn the blame that’s laid at my door.
I’ll do as I wish and simply ignore,
Cast the screams out to the void,
Let everyone else be stroppy and annoyed.
It won’t last forever; we all know that well.
I’ll simply press on until they’re no longer under such a spell.
Talent And Treachery
Hey everybody! Back for another story post. This time I have a fiction story. Don’t really have any other categorization to give it beyond that. Though, I think you might believe otherwise when you start reading it. That’s all I’m saying. Not spoiling anything. Just a little hint is all you’re getting. Anyway, it’s about 8,700 words long. Have fun!
Standing on the precipice of a several thousand foot tall cliff, Qwera stares out over the valley below him. It’s ringed with mountains capped with brilliant white snow. Or at least it looks as though the valley with its tree stuffed steppes is hemmed in on all sides.
Qwera cannot say for sure if that is true for this is the first time he has set eyes on these lands. If they have a name he does not know it.
You see, he ventured out this way from far to the East. How much farther the landmass of the continent goes, or if he is even still on the same continent, he cannot say. Yet, stood there taking in the sights, sounds and limited, at this altitude, smells he feels as if this is right where he needs to be. Still, the journey had not been an easy one for the storms he has braved have been treacherous, and made worse by their extreme swings from one end of the spectrum to the other.
If he didn’t know any better he might think outside forces are working against him. Trying to halt his advance for reasons he cannot imagine. After all, it is not as though he is in search of anything out here. In fact, thinking about it he isn’t sure why he felt it necessary to journey out this way. There must be a reason but what it is he can’t put his finger on…
All of a sudden Qwera moves; jogging away from the edge he had been at he makes his way over to a narrow dirt path. The exposed and compacted soil is an off yellow colour, dry as a bone. Not that Qwera pays any mind to that as he begins to wind his way down the sweeping path toward what can only be the valley floor.
His head, every so often at random intervals, turns so he can look out over the valley which is becoming increasingly more difficult to get glimpses of due to his continued descent and the presence of towering lance like fir trees. They do more than a decent job of blotting out an increasing amount of his view, when he tries to look out at the valley beyond them.
“Is this some kind of joke, Naz? When do I get to the good part? And if you say it’s all walking I quit right here, right now.” Is the outburst unleashed from the lips of Hans Fitzgerald who has hold of a controller as he stands staring at the thirty two inch flat screen monitor sat atop the boring looking table that serves as his friends point of both work and play.
“Just zip it and keep going. I’m saying, spoiling, nothing.” Is the swift response fired back with an over exaggerated roll of his eyes which Hans cannot see.
Without another word Hans obeys, begrudgingly, and turns his attention back to the monitor and the game running upon it.
Qwera, the character, is forced back into motion after having stood unnaturally still throughout the brief exchange between the two roommates.
There is no doubting that the scenery is pretty and that Qwera, a warrior dressed in a mixture of colourful cloth with frills and small mini capes as well as sections of metallic plate is an interesting sight. To Hans he would have to say it reminds him of a mixture of European and Middle Eastern influences. For that reason alone he felt, in addition to the demand from Naz, intrigued enough to continue on. Still, he’s convinced this is going to be nothing more than a visually appealing walking simulator. After all, Nazim, for all his talent, seems averse to putting in combat of any sort, primitive or otherwise. Why that is Hans doesn’t have the foggiest because Naz is big on combat heavy games but…
Qwera, having reached the end of the path, stops. His head pans right, then left and back right again. Unarmed and seemingly wary he steps forward. All of these actions controlled by Hans who thinks, at least in any other game, this is where some big set piece would occur. He seriously doubts it will in Naz’s game and his pause to look around is only because he’s imagining what it would be like in a released AAA title and not one cooked up by his friend.
At the mere thought a myriad of names come burbling to the forefront of his mind. He banishes them all and Qwera is forced into motion once more.
Out of nowhere the ground begins to shake. Hans gets his hopes up only to quash them swiftly soon after with a reminder to himself who the designer of this is. For there is no way that Naz would…
A section of the meadow valley floor explodes upward in a shower of debris. Hans is in awe, his eyes wide. He cannot believe that some action related event is actually taking place in…
The dust cloud clears while debris continues to rain down. Hans’ jaw drops as he stares over the shoulder of his flame haired representation, who according to Naz will be given a proper back-story though will look roughly as he does now, at what lies ahead.
That statement, that the character is set and non-customisable, had irked Hans a tad. He prefers designing his characters. Creating a look for them, but alas that isn’t an option and has never planned to be, apparently.
Anyway, back in the game, Qwera remains stood in place without any input from Hans. Alas, that is right when Naz butts in, breaking the immersion, to utter that animations are missing currently. He then goes on to explain that there should be things happening onscreen, ones which affect the character model but that he hasn’t had chance as yet. Chiefly because he wanted to get a working prototype up and running first before adding the finer touches, details.
Making no effort to acknowledge the creators words, Hans exerts his control over Qwera and makes him run toward the massive mountain sized hulk of rock with streaming lava ‘veins’ that wind across its surface while it is stood there waiting.
By looks of things this enemy, what he thinks it has to be because of a red health bar across the bottom of the screen, is wielding a mace like club formed from rock with chunks of metal protruding and more veins of lava across its surface. Little does he realise that the ‘club’ is in fact a part of the creatures arm, but it’s a minor detail. One that many might miss unless they closely studied the character model, which is something that Hans obviously hasn’t done. To be honest he isn’t into the art of games only the entertainment value they bring.
Suddenly, the AI enemy swings with more speed than the controller wielding Hans would ever have been able to guess it might possess. Luckily, in the nick of time he receives a prompt to dodge. Instinctively he jabs at the face button and performs a roll which undoubtedly saves his life.
Qwera, at the end of the dive roll sideways, lingers, panting softly from the exertion. A bar on the screen, in the top left, has appeared and seems to be indicating a lack of stamina. To make matters worse its recharge rate is excruciatingly slow. It’s why Hans turns to his friend with despair in his eyes. The response he is offered is little more than a smile. And when the player turns back he catches the tail end of the mace club completing its swing and crushing Qwera to red pulp in gruesome and gory fashion.
“Come on! What is that? How is that fair? Is this a trick or…” Are the outraged ramblings which spill from Hans’ mouth as he gestures, with both hands, towards the monitor.
“Calm yourself Hans.” Nazim Akinpelu replies with a shake of his head, gesturing hands while an ever so slight smirk sits across his lips. It’s an expression which is only able to be seen because he has turned in his chair to look at the other young man, the one who is holding the controller.
Alas, Hans shows no signs of calming. He hates losing at a game, dying. He doesn’t care that he can always restart from a checkpoint or an earlier save, because he plays a life as though it is the only one. Usually when it comes to games made by Naz it means there isn’t an issue with that being how he plays.
There are things Hans wants to say, protests he wishes to make but after a long period of contemplation the only words out of his mouth are, “Can I go again?”
There is determination in the blonde haired man’s green eyes which do not marry with his tone. Yet, this look is one Naz knows well and has seen many a time. Not because Hans is a diligent sort of guy but because he’s a sore loser, a very sore loser. He might even be the sorest of losers he is so bad at taking L’s.
“Sure. You can go as many times as you like.” Is the chipper response given.
Something about how Naz said those words doesn’t sit right with Hans. Hence, that is why he blurts, “It’s rigged isn’t it? You can’t get past that point. You’re not meant to. Is that ‘cause that’s as far as you’ve got with the game?”
“No; to all of what you just said.” Is the reply which is given without letting anything slip, though hinting at the possibility that there may be more to the game than meets the eye.
Sure, there is some UI missing, which if this were a final version of the product might be sacrilegious to have omitted, but it isn’t and so Hans will have to live with that if he wants to experience everything in this game, the one that Naz hasn’t got a name for it yet.
In actual fact he has a list eight pages long of potential titles to give what he’s been working on. Sadly, as yet he hasn’t been able to nail down an option which really speaks to him. It could be that while he thinks a number of the names are good, which is why the list is only eight pages long and not eighteen, none of them are right. If that is the case then he has to hope that something, inspiration wise, strikes him along the way.
“Fine.” Says the blonde man having a mini strop in the moments before, during and after he opens the pause menu and selects the restart option. That reaction by Hans leads to a tiny grin appearing on Nazim’s face, which is gone as swiftly as it had appeared.
A few seconds pass as the game goes about reloading, during them a debug screen can be seen running. As yet there is not a proper loading screen, but seeing as the game is running off an SSD its appearance is only fleeting and might be something Naz leaves in for the final version. You might wish to ask why; well it’s because he thinks it’s cool and might help some smart souls build mods if it were ever to be released. He would like it to be. By far and away he thinks this is the best project he has ever conceived and worked on.
When the loading is complete, Qwera appears onscreen once more, alive and well and stood on the precipice of the cliff that overlooks that valley below.
Having turned to Naz, Hans asks, “Any advice you want to give me?”
Shaking his head slowly, the designer with his wild shoulder length hair but well groomed beard and brown eyes assures with a wry grin, “Nope.”
“Fuck you. You’re only saying that to torment me.”
“Yep.” Is the admittance from Naz who pivots his chair away from his friend to face forward once more as if to say, get on with it.
Without hesitation Hans does exactly that and quickly puts Qwera back on the path, spiralling downwards towards the valley floor, for what is a second time.
To be honest the blonde man hasn’t a clue as to what he could’ve done differently and wonders if he’s being setup by Naz. He’s the sort of guy who would do that. Maybe it’s payback for all the little walking games he’s built which Hans called pretty but boring. If that is the case, and he has no intention of developing this further or completing it, then wow Naz is a douche. And an overcommitted one at that, because there is no way Hans would spend more than maybe ten to fifteen minutes on a similar endeavour. Then again, Naz is a patient man. A bit too much, Hans thinks before taking note that he is close to the valley floor again.
However, unlike last time he doesn’t walk straight into the arena. No. Rather, he has stopped.
“Wait, that wasn’t there before.” Is the exclamation which passes his lips.
“Wasn’t it?” Comes the overly dramatic response from the black haired designer and coder who more than anything wants to build a career in the games industry. Not so much at a big studio working on mobile or even AAA titles but as an indie, a one man band. Maybe alongside a small team, a dozen developers at most, but that would be a one day sort of thing, maybe. Though it would only occur if he were to find the right sort of people. He hasn’t, not that he’s tried to, as yet and no, Hans has no artistic or coding skills whatsoever. He is a gamer, a player, not a creator. Even if he were Naz wouldn’t want him to join, for reasons. Really good reasons too he thinks.
For a fact Hans knows that the pathway he cannot take his eyes off wasn’t there before, and that was without his roommates reply added to the mix. Yet, he says nothing to challenge the subterfuge used against him and instead forces Qwera, a name he doesn’t like nor understand, down this freshly discovered avenue. It’s lined on either side with densely packed trees which blot out a good deal of the…
Suddenly, Hans realises that he’s seen no sun in the sky but that it is beyond a shadow of doubt daytime in the game. He shrugs. Seeing the shrug out the corner of his eye Naz giggles silently to himself. He guesses that the reaction is in response to something not feeling right. It might be he’s noticed the lack of a sun, a source for the light being provided. More than likely Hans will believe it’s something unfinished, that Naz has missed or yet to include. If only he knew the reality, the importance of details not mentioned but present.
Reaching the end of the path, Hans sends Qwera headlong into a small opening at the centre of which stand a pedestal with something clearly laid out upon it.
It doesn’t look like a weapon but it might…
Without warning the floor disappears beneath Qwera. He tumbles end over end into the dark abyss.
Outside the game the blonde man lets out an exasperated sigh alongside a backward flick of his head, so that he is looking straight up at the white ceiling above his head.
“Really? So that’s how I die? To something I cannot avoid. You made this to punish me, didn’t you?”
“Ha, nope. I made this because I wanted to. You’re the one who wanted to try it, so I let you.”
There is a hint of smugness in Nazim’s voice as he reminds Hans that he is the one who wanted to try any and every game that his roommate produces. Sure, all of them have been, in his eyes, boring until this one but still he feels irritated at being reminded he’s the one who asked for this. It’s why he is pretty confident now that Naz has built this ‘game’ purely to mess with and frustrate him.
“Shut up. You know I don’t like dying…”
“Who said you died?”
“What? I fell into a fucking big hole. How can I not be dead?”
“Does it say, Game Over?”
“Well no, but…”
“Then try doing something other than quitting then Hans.” More than Naz likely means that statement to it cuts deep for his roommate who does have a tendency not to stick with anything he turns his hand to in life.
Evidence of that is that the blonde with green eyes has shifted course five times. In fact, he’s set a new record for the university. Not one they or any of their others students wished to see attained. Yet, it has been and by Hans Fitzgerald. How long his latest obsession, and that is what they border on for as briefly as they last, forensics will last is anyone’s guess, including Hans.
Being Hans’ roommate means that Naz has been present for almost all of it, except for in the rare instances where he goes to class. And that is incredibly rare. Chiefly that is because Nazim Akinpelu is smarter than probably anyone else in a hundred mile radius, maybe more. Which means there is nothing lecturers can teach him that he cannot teach himself, and has.
If he were anyone else he would’ve been kicked out for his abysmal attendance but not Naz, he’s a star pupil in every way. Well, honestly he makes a star pupil look second rate. He’s better than a star; he’s more like a whole nebula. Though, all he wants to do is make games. It’s a childhood ambition of his, and despite his teachers and parents attempts, it is a path he refuses to stray from. Sure, he continues with his studies. But as soon as he’s done he throws himself right back into developing whatever his latest project is. Not in an obsessive way however. Naz always makes sure to keep a healthy balance. It’s because he doesn’t want to burn out. Still, he puts in plenty of hours and work. To others it might be unhealthy but the wild haired young man knows his limits, when to push and when not to.
Taking his roommates advice, Hans presses a button chosen at random. Nothing happens. He wonders if this is some trick. Surely Naz wouldn’t be that cruel?
Deciding not to examine the likelihood as to whether he is or not, the man with short perfectly styled blonde hair, which has only gotten more blonde during the summer months as a result of the sheer hours of daylight, presses another button. Again there is absolutely no response. Sighing, Hans tries a third and then a fourth. Still, he is met with no response.
Feeling testy, he looks toward Naz who if he is aware of the glare he is receiving makes no efforts to acknowledge it. As a result that presents Hans with two options, as far as he is concerned; continue his attempts or explode into accusations. He settles on it being the former, though would like and could with ease indulge in the latter.
Fifth time lucky proves to be no such thing whatsoever.
Running out of options the blonde man tries for a sixth time only for the screen to pulse red, once. It isn’t the outcome he was expecting, which was a resurrection of Qwera but feeling hopeful Hans continues to press the button until a prompt appears onscreen. Said prompt invites him to continue his pressing, but this time with the inclusion of a bar. His guess is that said bar has to be filled.
Slow presses, he soon learns, do nothing to fill the bar. A sideways glance at Naz reveals zilch and so Hans tries a different approach, a few rapid taps. The bar partially fills and then almost as quickly empties when he stops.
Nodding, believing he understands, Hans erupts into a frantic hammering on the button. Rapidly the bar fills to bursting; a red aura appearing in the darkness only for a few seconds prior to Qwera bursting out of the inky black covered is flames. It looks awesome, Hans thinks while taking note of the fact that the character now has a massive sword which dwarfs the avatar he has control of.
“Holy shit!” Is the response which is offered by the young man holding the controller.
“I’ll give you a hint, try the valley floor again.” That is all Naz says. Nothing else is added. It’s as much as he feels should be given away.
Without hesitation that is precisely what Hans does. As a result he discovers that Qwera can sprint now and at twice the speed they had been capable of previously. That is something Hans is relieved about because up until this point he’d felt Qwera’s jog was far too pedestrian for his liking. Better than the walking sims made by Naz previously but certainly lacking compared to purchasable titles.
Once back at the edge of the valley floor arena, as Hans thinks of it, he takes a deep breath. Again, in his mind he is thinking of this life as if it were his own, singular and finite, and then he moves Qwera forward.
Just like the first time the floor begins to shake with Qwera the avatar showing no reaction to what is happening onscreen.
Unlike the first time, Hans takes a look around. He’s seen the reveal. It won’t be special to him this time round.
Instead, he wishes to know where the light is coming from. Just as he thought, there is no sun in the sky. In fact, the sky he realises now is… wrong. He cannot explain it past that.
Finally, the hulking enemy is before him, its reveal over. Quickly he dodges when prompted and then tests the buttons to see what Qwera can do. He’d tried when the character had first been resurrected but had been met with no response whatsoever. In this arena however he is greeted to a flurry attack, a jump and a block in additional to the dodge already performed on two separate occasions up to this point.
Regrettably, he feels something about the jump in particular strikes him as underwhelming. It might be the height, which does look decidedly meagre, or maybe it’s the responsiveness, it not being snappy enough. He can’t be sure. But this is a prototype, not a finished game so he shouldn’t balk too much.
Feeling better prepared the man with green eyes, holding the controller, realises the enemy has made no attempts to attack the in-game character, Qwera.
“Why hasn’t he swung at me, he did last time?”
“Cause you haven’t pushed him like you did last time Hans; that’s why.”
“So I screwed myself?”
“Yep.” Is the succinct response provided.
“But that path wasn’t there before. The one through the trees, I mean?”
“It was, just a bit more hidden. Don’t want to spoon feed the player, if I’m honest.” A shrug accompanies the explanation.
“If you say so.” Is the reply from Hans who is not convinced at all that a lack of hand holding is a positive in this game, or any other for that matter.
Returning to the game, Hans performs another short test of the buttons and options available to Qwera. Evidently, a fair few of the buttons do nothing, which leads to questions forming in Hans’ head as to why that is. Is it because there will be more options which will be available down the road, like additional equipment or skills, or because Naz felt it best to keep things simple and not overload any prospective player?
Whichever it might be it matters little for he asks none of his questions as he instead surges forward toward the mighty enemy. The same one which had on his first go struck with surprising speed and ended Qwera in a single attack.
Again Hans reaches the trigger point and again the hulking beast of molten rock winds up for its strike. This time Qwera dodges the incoming devastation with ease. And right after has Qwera lay into the boss with the oversized sword.
Yet, the strikes take a surprisingly long time to complete. Far slower than they’d felt when he’d been testing them out of combat, at the edge of the arena.
Overcommitted, a stomp with no forewarning provided throws Qwera back. Hans’ eyes go wide. He’s worried, deeply so, that this might spell the end for him and he’s only done maybe a fifth, if he’s being generous, of the enemies overall health bar.
Unsure of the controls, the blonde man hammers buttons hoping one will get him back to his feet quicker. None do and so he is forced to watch as a mighty fist comes slamming down on his in-game avatar. Hans, throat dry and itchy, is convinced this is the end, that the character has been squished. It’s why his shoulders drop in defeat. A spark of rage fires deep inside, pointed toward Naz who has made this ruthlessly hard. Right after the appearance of that spark he wonders if the difficulty has been dialled up to mess with him. A snarl appears on his face but for some reason he presses that same button, the one that had resurrected him before. There is a reaction, but one which is different to the last time in the small clearing. Nevertheless, a smirk appears across his face in response and Hans continues to hammer that same button. Before long Qwera reappears with the mighty crushing fist held aloft over his head.
“Son of a bitch, you put in a secret win mechanic.” Is the cry from a joyous Hans.
He is grinning from ear to ear now while he continues to hammer at the button on the controller in his hand until…
The club comes swinging in, shattering the giants balled fist and sending Qwera flying across the arena and into a low wall which snaps their back in half resulting in the appearance of a Game Over screen.
“Fuck! Are you kidding me? What is that bullshit Naz? How am I supposed to get past him if he one shots? Even your win mechanic doesn’t allow me to defeat him. You definitely dialled this up to screw with me.” Are the accusations which the enraged Hans casts in Naz’s direction, his face red like a tomato as he screams the words loudly.
“I didn’t. Give me the controller, I’ll show you.” Assures the wild haired designer who has his hands raised up as if to say he surrenders, submits.
A flexing of Han’s snarl follows. He doesn’t like where this is going and thinks the only thing worse than being beaten by this game is to have its creator make him look a fool.
“You built it; of course you can beat it.” Is the excuse provided in anticipation of what might come next.
“Even if I ‘rigged’ it like you are accusing me of?” Comes the retort from the designer utterly outwitting his opponent.
Aware he has been outmanoeuvred Hans stops dead and mulls over his thoughts.
He might not like it, or want to believe it, but it does seem a little farfetched what he is accusing the designer of. That is why ultimately, following a dropping of his shoulders, Hans relents and hands the controller over to Naz.
A quick reset of the game, jog down the spiralling path, drop into the abyss off the side avenue, resurrection in god form and rush back to the valley floor where the enormous enemy breaks through is followed by a swift three minutes of perfectly timed dodges, blocks and flurries. It ends with a short cutscene that sees this boss torn asunder, turned into nothing but bloody chunks of rock and lava based flesh.
“How the fuck…?” Is the astonished exclamation from the blonde.
“Patience. That is what you need for this game. It isn’t a hack and slash. It’s a combat game. I designed it to reward those who take their time, learn mechanics and watch for tells that indicate when an attack will be coming.” Naz says by ways of explanation.
“Booooooooooring.” Is the utterance made in self-defence because Hans knows he isn’t a patient player, which is why he tends to player run and gun shooters or fast paced action games where stun locking enemies is simple and encouraged.
“You don’t like it then?”
Feeling he should admit the truth, “No, I love it. It’s super awesome. Is there any more to it or…”
A quick restart to put the game back at the opening menu screen is followed by, “There is, but no save states for the moment. So if you want to see more. You’re going to have to get there yourself.”
“Fuck off, come on. I just want to get a peak at where it’s heading.” Utters the defeated and demure Hans as Naz hands him back the controller stating, “Then get there. Find out for yourself. I’ve got to run a few errands. Be back in a couple hours, ok?”
It’s rare for Naz to go out but when he does he really is gone for hours. Early on Hans had decided to follow him to find out what he does, but he found it was nothing exciting, just the boring things which are too adult and responsible for his liking.
“Yeah. See you in a bit.” Hans replies selecting that he wishes to start the game while Naz grabs his keys and heads for their apartment door without saying another word.
Judgement Rendered
Testify to the gods below about how you don’t deserve this though.
Did they heed your words like you thought that they would?
Or was it just a pointless waste of time you haven’t got?
These are questions that you should’ve thought.
But you were too busy drinking in all of your hype.
Did you never hear that indulging will earn you a stripe?
Just not the kind that will swing the pendulum in your favour.
If you wanted that then you should have had different behaviour.
So tell me what you plan on doing to change your hand?
Is it simply be honest and polite to those in this land?
I thought not and what a solemn pity.
Your focus remains on attempting to be witty.
Well let me know just how that works out for you.
I’m stepping away cause I’m not stuck here too.
You’re brow furrows cause you don’t understand.
It’s simple really I was permitted to pass the gates of heaven.
Demands are what fly from between your lips next.
None of them leave me at all vexed.
Maybe time will lead you to some kind of epiphany.
I truly hope that that is what will transpire, effortlessly.
Conflict In Waves
There is so much noise in the air.
Can’t focus on a single note of it here.
My brain is scrambled and I need some quiet.
Feels like my head is having a riot.
A war between nameless, faceless things.
Not sure what any of them might bring.
So give me a moment to pause and think.
Before I go right past the brink.
Indulge in what I could not care less about.
Such a move could leave me in drought.
Gasping for something to quench my thirst.
This is what I would call my head at its worst.
Refusing to let me have some peace.
Silence I scream as my release.
The quiet is starting to erode.
Feel like my mind wishes to goad.
Insight panic and a war within.
Usurp against what I’ve been building.
Scribble it out so it can start afresh.
This is not a sentiment I will bless.
For life is mine and it has no right.
Against this treachery I will fight.
Ignore the agony that it swings,
It sends it on desperate decayed wings.
So I shoot them down with a bow.
Each one of them is not a part of my flow.
And while I hate this tussle for power,
I cannot refute that it ended silent glower.
Finally the battlefields are still.
And I stand as the victor in my steel.
Mind back to a single mass.
No exclamations of sass.
Just coherence which I adore.
No longer do I feel sore.
With thoughts that flow free.
I really do feel like I am back to me.
And foolishness does not dwell here.
Yet those issues again may rear.
Not a problem for I have a plan.
And I’ll thrive once it’s passed again.
Much like I will from now.
So to those aggressors I say chow.
Through The Shallows
Raindrops pour from the sky again.
It feels like it just won’t wane.
Your mood fits with the weather.
You’re really not feeling clever.
Roam about with your head low.
Misery will not let you go;
Release the hold it has on you.
Offer a respite if only for a few.
Cause it won’t last forever.
Keep your chin up and endeavour.
Fight through the will to quit.
You can survive all of it.
Don’t fold and fail.
You will prevail.
Keep your grip strong and through this you will sail.
Drowning sense of doom nearby.
It urges you to accept crucify.
Sell yourself to the damned.
Each statement is a command.
But do not heed what it states.
Its wish is to invert the fates.
Keep the pressure and force your hand.
This is all that it has planned.
But it won’t last forever.
Keep your chin up and endeavour.
Fight through the will to quit.
You can survive so much of it.
Don’t fold and fail.
You will prevail.
Keep your grip strong and through this you will sail.
Hold your head up.
I know your fed up.
Change is on the horizon.
Hope will soon be rising.
As black turns to blue,
Darkness will be banished from you.
Positivity is in your grasp;
It’s why the melancoly is beginning to gasp.
And it didn’t last forever.
Kept your chin up and did endeavour.
Fought through the will to quit.
You’ve survived every bit of it.
Dug Right In
Panic lies right beneath the skin.
I never wanted to let it in.
Wormed its way to the win.
I can feel it creeping.
But the crawl isn’t quite enough.
Everything it wants to call a bluff.
Makes me question what came before.
All the names wear at my core.
Sabotage each new prospect.
Little that it does not affect.
It’s like I’m wood being wittled down.
Starting to think I can’t break my frown.
If that’s true then why fight on?
I’m so bored of feeling wrong.
Tears well but never flow.
Why am I a part of this show?
Sick to my stomach and getting worse.
Feels like I struggle with a curse.
It haunts my mind day and night.
Not sure how much longer I can fight.
And distractions never serve me well.
They aid the feeling so it can swell.
Climbing up my spinal column.
Twisting me so I’ll be a golem.
Creature lost in the rain.
Blocked and unable to drain.
No way to vent this bile in my chest.
Just give me a chance to rest!
Panic lies right beneath the skin.
I never wanted to let it in.
Wormed its way to the win.
I can feel it creeping.
Smother me and call it quits.
Not sure I can take much more of this.
Screams that won’t come out.
Every second I am filled with doubt.
Debating options all based in loss.
Might as well be nailed to a cross.
Strung up in the scorching sun.
Or within my mouth full of a gun.
Not my wish but I’m so uninspired.
If life is pain than I wish to be retired.
Let me drift off into endless sleep.
Otherwise I might morph into a heap.
Panic lies right beneath the skin.
I never wanted to let it in.
Wormed its way to the win.
I can feel it creeping.
Taking The Reins
This is a story without heroes. As to whether who you brand villains, or the worst of those who appear, is up to you. Past that, this is a story set in our near future but is a hyper negative version of where it could end up. Really can’t say more than that without spoiling things. So I’ll just add this is about 6,900 words long. Enjoy?
“As you can see behind me, the representatives of all nations, mainly heads of state, are returning for another day of the conference. They will continue to discuss the best course of action to combat the daily disasters caused by the affects of climate change…” The middle aged female reporter dressed in a plain grey blazer with white blouse underneath says while staring into the lens of the camera that is pointed squarely at her long, thin face. Her dark hair is pulled back tight against her scalp meaning that it must, though cannot be seen confirmed as not in the frame, be tied in a ponytail.
Behind the reporter giving her piece to camera, being broadcast live to six different networked stations, is a vertical wall of glass and steel. They are the windows which make up part of the outer skin that the building this conference is taking place in is wrapped. Above them is an overhang. That is out of shot unlike the jet washed paving slabs of grey-white which have leaders from countries across the world ambling along.
Some of the leaders bicker and chat at volumes too low for even the powerful microphone the reporter is using to catch.
“The real question is; what can and will be done?” The reporter continues.
“What a load of shit. They won’t do a damn thing. Too focused on being neck deep in some tycoons’ ass to give a fuck about what’s going to happen.” Oliver Hendricks spits with all the disdain he currently feels from having listened to the empty words supposed to conjure hope in any and all who might be watching.
Unable to watch, mainly listen, to what is being said any longer, Oliver switches channel. He does so by stabbing at the button on the remote. It is an outlet for a fraction of his collective ire. Still it obeys all the same and sees the channel flick across to another news network.
Unlike the last this one has very different coverage ongoing. It’s the sort that proves his point as a male reporter in his late twenties continues to interview a devastated and exhausted looking woman covered in muck and gashes regarding the ordeal she has been wrenched from.
According to the text scrolling across the bottom this woman is a survivor in the latest in a long line of natural disasters. Yet, it does not say where this event has taken place.
Oliver shakes his head, unsurprised, but wonders if ordinary people like Joe Schmo buy the bullshit on the other channel if they are watching it. It’s certainly being shovelled in their faces to such a pitch that they might.
Sickness crawls up the back of his throat at having returned to the matter which grates so mercilessly upon his beliefs. It’s an uncomfortable but not unfamiliar sensation. Especially these days as it is a feeling which hits far more often than it does not. Still, he can’t stop himself from caring. And if not for the presence of his anger, boiling, he would feel despair regarding the suffering this woman, and all the others caught in this flood, must have had to endure.
Another surge of venom rushes to the fore when he thinks about how the national leaders never have to suffer like this because they have safe houses, military bases, bunkers and security personnel to protect and serve them in any and all capacities they require.
“Won’t be like that forever you fuckers.” The brown haired man promises while continuing to lean forward as he sits on an old battered sofa.
Clearly the item of furniture has seen much better days. In fact its once dark brown leather has turned a light tan colour, while its surface is covered in gashes, scuffs and other wear marks impossible to remove or recover from. That is unless someone decided to recover the entire surface, and who would be inclined to do that? No one is the answer and Oliver well knows it. Not that he cares. It is serving its purpose of giving him somewhere to sit, his elbows pressed against his knees, neck craned forward, grey eyes blinking slowly.
The man lets out a sigh which quickly turns to a rumble. He licks his lips, shakes his head again feeling nothing but pain for the woman as she balls her eyes out. A child, he presumes is hers, clutching her side with eyes that dart about confused.
If Oliver were to guess he’d say the child is maybe six, but that is about the only observation he can make.
Without warning he changes channel again. Another news broadcast. Not a news channel but a normal broadcast planted between whatever else is on the schedule.
Quickly Oliver learns he’s dropped in right as the anchor is about to launch into a recap of the news, globally. It’s the only sort of news which remains, global. Local news died when the countless string of catastrophes began to ravage the world.
Being in his late thirties, the seething brown haired man on the sofa can remember a time before all this suffering. It wouldn’t have been called it rosy then either but by comparison to today it was certainly a bona fide paradise.
If it isn’t an earthquake of building shattering proportions, it’s a flood, a volcanic eruption, a hurricane, typhoon, tornado devastating a town or a tsunami.
He can’t be sure but suspects that more people have died in the last five years than the twenty before that. Worst of all no one is doing anything. Sure, there are protests but whether people want to acknowledge it or not, they are having little to no affect. The world, in terms of its viability for human habitation, is ending.
Of course the Earth itself will live on. Humanity will not kill it; but what it has done is a fantastic job at screwing it up. That is why things, it has been said many times, have to change.
“Ollie, we’re almost ready.” A guy with a shaved head and dark eyes says once he is within arm’s reach of the brown haired man clad in body armour and an assortment of other military garb.
Oliver nods though does not take his eyes off the screen for a good long while. Around him dozens of armed men and women ready for what is to come next as they make the very, very final preparations before rolling out.
When finally his grey eyes do lift from the screen they glance up at the man stood beside him. He isn’t a friend. In fact he barely knows the man. Definitely not enough to recall his name with ease, as you might with a friend or even an acquaintance.
In that moment it strikes Oliver that he maybe should’ve taken more time to get to know those who have pinned themselves to his flag. Sadly there wasn’t the time. This had to be done hastily due to a change of plans; something that was entirely out of his control. Not that it matters now.
Rising to his full height of a little over six foot, Oliver makes sure to stretch. His joints groan and crack. He isn’t fazed by their responses. Rather, their reactions are entirely what he expected them to be.
Still, he makes sure to test all his joints and muscles. He can’t have them causing him any jip for the outcome could be dire if they did.
Grey eyes cast around the massive expanse of what had once, he can only guess for he does not know for certain, been a stacked out warehouse unit crammed with goods of… He doesn’t know that either. It could’ve been anything and is again a detail which does not matter for whatever it was is not what it is now.
With his sweep of his surroundings; the striding bodies, collapsible tables, crates and several dozen off-road vehicles complete, Oliver does a half turn to his right, leans down and retrieves his assault weapon from the sofa cushion he had not occupied.
“We roll out in two. Everyone know their job?”
Response issued is a curt, confident nod.
In response to it however, Oliver does not immediately reply. Rather, he waits; for what he cannot say. It could be an addition, an aside. It never comes if that is the case.
This lack of addition leaves Oliver hoping this man, he still can’t recall his name, is correct. You see, failure is not an option. Not when the world hangs in the balance, treading shark infested water like it is.
At any other time he might snort to himself. Wonder why him. It’s mildly humorous, he supposes without feeling any of the humour he thinks he should or would’ve at some other time.
Would I though, even then?
The question is one which is left to echo through his head without answer. Unfortunately, in being allowed to remain it crushes a small section of his confidence. That is until he tosses it aside, takes a deep breath, steels himself so that only the moment is of import and then orders, “Dismissed.”
With that single word the dark haired man bows his head, turns and departs heading for… Oliver doesn’t know. He doesn’t watch nor pay attention. It isn’t his job too. If it were, this wouldn’t be his operation.
Instead, he checks his assault weapon. The magazine is fully loaded, ready for use. He holds no qualms either way whether he might have to use it or not. He does hope none of those who are a part of his little band; if you can call over a hundred people a little band, will either. If they do it could turn ugly, fast.
Stop thinking about what is yet to come, he urges of himself only to return his focus to his weapon.
The assault platform is one of three weapons that will be about his person. The other two are a nineteen round semi-automatic pistol and an overly large knife. It’s the sort many might wish to call a machete but it isn’t quite that size. Nor is it meant for chopping down foliage preventing progress. Principally because there wouldn’t be much need for that along the South France/North Spanish border.
Checks complete, weapon still perfect, Oliver stomps over to his ride. He won’t be driving. He’ll be a passenger. One of the others who treat him like an officer would in a military setting will be driving. They are ex-military, he thinks. To be honest he forgets. There are a lot of people from all walks of life who could no longer, like him, sit and watch.
Having opened the door to the off-road vehicle, suspension jacked higher than it would’ve been fresh out of the factory whenever it was released, Oliver slips inside and onto the front passenger seat. From there he slams the heavy door shut which in turn results in a short dull boom of a thud.
Seatbelt in place, engine fired into life and revved alongside those of the other near identical vehicles, Oliver waits for the warehouse shutters to roll open. He isn’t left waiting for long. Yet, trepidation sits high in his chest as the horizontal metal slats rise up and out of view.
His concerns fade once it seems they are not about to be ambushed or descended upon imminently. It’s a relief, a sizeable one, and not something he had realised those around him were so concerned about. Though, now that he hears them exhale loudly, he concludes that it should not have surprised him. After all, these people are not stupid. Many are highly educated individuals with years, decades even, or experience in their respective fields. Whether it’s one they have existed within their entire adult lives or not is an irrelevance.
The brown haired leader of this group’s truck begins to roll forward. On a prior instruction Oliver had made it clear that his vehicle which would be the first to leave the ‘safety’ of the warehouses interior. He felt, and stressed, that it was imperative those calling him their leader had confidence in his authority. And that they felt confident he would not ask them to do something he was not willing to do himself.
However, rolling out into the early summer sun without incident was an event which did not strike worry in Oliver, unlike the opening of the shutter.
The same could not be said of those next to and behind him for again he hears them breathe a collective sigh of relief which forces him to suppress a wry smile from creeping across his overly pink lips. A trait for which he was bullied mercilessly as a child when at school; made worse by him having been a stunted little thing.
All that soon changed when he hit puberty and shot up like a rocket to be bigger than almost everyone else.
Alas, his change in stature did not alter his popularity, which never rise to heights that could be considered heady. Not that he ever wanted them too. For you see, Oliver enjoyed his close knit circle of friends. He remembers their names, as well as their faces. How they had been as children. It strikes him that he hasn’t seen them for many years and wonders where they are now.
Sadly, they could be amongst this band of followers he has amassed and he would likely never know. Though, surely they would remind him. Unless…
There is a decent chance if they are counted amongst those alongside him that they too do not realise he is the boy they grew up with. That same child who used to go down the park not to play on the climb frames, slides and such but to bike in the woods nearby. Those same woods which were often frequented by older minors, teenagers on the cusp of adulthood, who would drink, smoke and snort while chatting aimlessly about nonsense.
If Oliver’s mother had ever found out she would’ve killed him, figuratively of course, for he’d disobeyed her express demands that he keep out of that place.
A silent sigh blasts from his nostrils as the truck rumbles down the roads toward their destination. Taking a quick glance around at his surroundings, Oliver suspects they are a good five plus minutes out and so he turns back to his thoughts, his mother.
Regrettably she is no longer counted amongst the living. Unlike many others she wasn’t lost in the disasters which are such a regular occurrence now. No, instead it was a stroke which took her from Oliver. This was back when he was barely into his twenties.
Oliver was the only person at her funeral. His father having skipped out on them… To be honest he doesn’t know when other than to say it must have been when Oliver was very young for he does not remember witnessing such an event. And no, he’s never tried to find his father. He didn’t see the point.
After all, if the guy had wanted to be a part of his son’s life he’d have stuck around. He didn’t so clearly it didn’t matter to him. At least that is what Oliver believes anyway.
Realm Of Madness
Neurotic and psychotic,
It’s all you want to be.
Time to tear it down and build something not forged in misery.
You may say that talk is cheap and that can be true,
But would you rather watch the world come for you?
I say no but you won’t make a sound.
Your dedication is not bordering on the profound.
Just a heathen after a victory.
Desperate to repeat what formed history.
Force a change that benefits only you.
Ignore how many you step on too.
We’re all just stones along your endless ascent.
Each day what you breed is discontent.
Condemning the universe to drown at sea.
No statement makes an ounce of sense to me.
So lay down your arms and try to converse.
Too long you have embraced the perverse.
Twisted truth to lies all to serve your point.
None of it will form a basis to anoint.
You’re just the menace who lingers.
Sanity has long since slipped through your fingers.
Cast off the petty and ask for aid.
Otherwise your crimes will be repaid.
Neurotic and psychotic,
It’s all you want to be.
Time to tear it down and build something not forged in misery.
Words are whispers that never reach the ears.
Abandonment is what you brought to here.
A point carved deep in the sand.
Joy is something that you demanded was banned.
Refuse filling up the sky.
Voice chanting that they want you to die.
Do you see now what you have wrought?
These are agonies that you bought.
Paid in blood for these tortures.
Sliced the intelligent to quarters.
Silence in the gardens of peace.
Hope is something you continue to fleece.
Winding down the burning slope.
Every answer is just a nope.
All to fashion glory for your name.
Life has never been a game.
So cut those cords and leave the pain.
There is nothing from it to gain.
You know it but fear still holds you tight.
Extend your hand and inform you’re not alright.
Neurotic and psychotic,
It’s all you want to be.
Time to tear it down and build something not forged in misery.
Forcing The Change
Bullet will go down the barrel,
All to make the target sterile.
Sick of the warchief scenario.
Sound will reverb in stereo.
Traitors stand all around,
Each one will soon be on the ground.
Laid flat upon the dirt and stones.
One day they will be just bones.
Names lost to the drifting fog,
It tastes more like filth and smog.
First the trigger must be squeezed,
Then suffering can be eased.
Plots are for children.
Plans are for everyone.
Intention will bring this in.
Awareness of absolutely nothing.
Finally the time is here.
Dispel all the gnawing fear.
Recoil from the kick,
End might be a tad too quick.
Pink mist in the air,
All those around do stare.
Panic replaces bluster,
It’s all the others can muster.
Blink and it’s gone.
Other targets are done.
Disorder with the wolves,
None of us are fools.
We collapse and depart,
This is only the spark.
Peace will prosper over war.
We couldn’t stand it anymore.
Starlight
Warmth upon my flesh,
I’ve been craving this.
Heat in my bones,
Puts pay to the moans.
So drink in the sparkle,
For it is a marvel.
Cast out the blinding,
It won’t subvert climbing.
For the sky is the dawn,
With purpose new born.
It’s why you held out your hand.
A confident state by which you stand.
But careful of the aroma,
It may make you colder.
An addiction most virile,
It could make you sterile.
Blot out all youth,
Question fact with demands of proof.
Warmth upon my flesh,
I’ve been craving this.
Heat in my bones,
Puts pay to the moans.
Warmth upon my flesh,
I’ve been craving this.
Heat in my bones,
Puts pay to the moans.